| rev:text
| - Rex is a tough guy...a real man's man...better...he is a real Rex's man. Most men know they can never be Rex...and all women know they will never be with anyone as good as Rex. It is a burden. It is a curse. Rex bears the mantle for what all men should be. Tough. Strong. Virile. Always has a rag, some gas and three pills found in Gary Busey's house. Still, there is another side. A sensitive side. A side that has a heart. Rex weeps when he sees pictures of fat girls who was one thin. Rex sobs uncontrollably when he sees a puppy...eating out of a dumpster...and there is none for Rex. Rex wails and throws himself to the ground at the mere thought of Jessica Alba's sweet babies...how they have ruined her once beautiful vagina. He is human. Rex IS human...no matter what the Slovakian courts may say.
Today...this day...January 45, 2193...Rex weeps again. Sadness has washed over Rex...much like the time he found out that his girlfriend wasn't just smelly...she had died 38 days earlier. Damn you paint thinner and Pine Sol...why do you have to be so much fun with such an evil side. Granted Rex is not as upset as when Judy... Jenny...Jana...whatever her name was expired...this time Rex doesn't have to throw out his couch. Still Rex is upset. Why do you ask? DON'T EVER ASK ME A QUESTION AGAIN YOU PATHETIC FREAK!!! Rex will tell you at his own time...okay...Rex is upset because another love of his...is dead. Capriotti's Sandwich Shop is dead to me. Rex has actually eaten Capriotti's years ago back east. Rex decided to leave where he was staying...by hiding under a laundry truck and going through two gates, swam through a river, wrestled a rat the size of a large dog and survived in Wilmington...which was the hardest part. During his brief, but highly publicized change of address he ate at a Capriottti's. It was excellent. Perfect sub. Inventive. Quality ingredients. Care. Pride. It was a taste sensation. A revelation.
That was a long time. A long, long time ago. Now...now Capriotti's is basically Subway but a few notches better...but not nearly as good as it should be. Especially considering the price differential between the two. Such a shame. Total shame. It would be easy to change their ways, but the chain is now owned by a corporation so the traditional corporation changes are taking place. Less meat. Lower quality ingredients. Substantially less overall care and dedication to the craft which is sandwich making.
Rex went and bought 2 subs for the first time in about 9 months. Rex bought the Cole Turkey and the Bobbie. The Cole Turkey Rex hadn't bought in 3 or 4 years. The turkey was dry. There wasn't enough of it. There wasn't enough sauce. It was a total mess. Lots of cole slaw because it is cheap. The Bobbie...my beloved Bobbie has been absolutely destroyed. Heavy on the stuffing light on the turkey, too much mayo and not enough cranberry sauce. Rex is a good man...a great man...a fair man...a well hung man...and he tried the best sub. The Capastrami. That is when things went wrong. Rex stood up and attempted to defecate out the horrible food. Rex screamed..."I AM GOING TO CRAP THIS CRAP OUT OF MY CRAPPER!" Everyone else screamed...melee ensued...Rex was escorted out...for those who are interested...mission accomplished.
This location is no better or worse than all of the location. It isn't an individual store issue it is a systemic issue because of the change in ownership. Rex wants to love Capriotti's. It is what the world needs...a great chain that makes incredible subs/sandwiches with care and quality. There just isn't one out there. Firehouse comes close (review to come later) but there isn't a perfect one.
Now the expended menu with salads, etc will only water down the brand and quality further. They could have spent more money to buy meat in bulk at a lower cost so they could more on their sandwiches, like they used to have. No. They use their purchasing power to buy lettuce. Really? That is corporate thinking...bad thinking.
Rex will always be what you want him to be. Incorrigible. You will always be what Rex wants you to be. Gullible.
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