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| - I've talked about the concept of "vaguely Asian" in other reviews, but seeing as how they're for places a continent away, I'll honor you desert-dwellers with a phenomenon my fellow Atlantans suffer through on a nigh weekly basis: the Crazy Ivan.
Back to "Vaguely Asian," it can apply to many things: food, restaurants, movies, Olivia Munn on "Attack of the Show." Mostly it's the practice of mixing up benign stereotypes in a way that satisfies one's notion of location or expectations while not actually being accurate at all. For example, I've eaten at countless barely passable "Chinese" joints in mall food courts that, other than their liberal use of soy sauce (mostly manufactured in Southern California) are technically about as Chinese Hong Kong Phooey. But it's just Asian ENOUGH to satisfy most people. Now when I say "most people" I don't mean those Japanophiles or Sinophiles or anybody with enough yellow fever that they get all huffy when you include Kurosawa in with Woo or any other of the Hong Kong oeuvre. Oh, and Asians too. I assume "vaguely Asian" probably isn't enough to satisfy most Asians of which I am one though only vaguely.
However, Asians themselves can be faulted for this feeding into the Vaguely Asian experience. I used to frequent, only because of its proximity to my office, a terrible Chinese place that served sushi but was run by a Vietnamese guy. Add in a few Korean waiters and me, the Filipino customer, and it was the Pacific Rim of Crapitude. It was as if thousands of years of pan Asian culture had been boiled down into a single crucible of misery and suck represented by rubbery lo mein and rice not fit to be given out by UNICEF. And yet curiously, I found comfort in all this. It was all so pleasantly vaguely Asian.
Then again, my mother sometimes complains that I'm too American for her taste.
Anyway, I knew all this when I went to Pei Wei. I didn't expect much in the way of authenticity. Actually I didn't expect ANY authenticity. I expected a lot of rice, soy sauce and ginger in odd places. I expected Vaguely Asian and, well, that's what I got. OK, it's not quite to the whitewashed level of say, a Panda Express, but I sure as hell ain't gonna find any chicken feet boiling away here.
The space was nice. Nods to authenticity if not attempts to actually meet it. (Unused) woks hanging decoratively from hooks, dark woods and the obligatory chopsticks which, really, are impossible to eat with unless the rice is sticky. The set-up is fast casual which indeed is fast, but always puts into question whether to tip or not. Dishes range from "Thai" to "Korean" to "Chinese" and, well, they're really not any of the three, but it's good enough for government work. I kept thinking to myself, "Man, this is like visiting a poor man's P.F. Chang's," when lo and behold, I discovered it WAS a poor man's P.F. Chang's as in, they're sister chains. Ah so, Grasshopper.
In all, it wasn't HORRIBLE per se. The food was edible if not impressive. Since none of the dishes were over $10, the prices weren't that bad. The many, many, (sigh) many kids around me seem to be digging it. The service was perky (though the cashier made me feel older than McCain's grandpa.) Finally they had Sapporro in large bottles which helped me to handle the many, many, (sigh), many kids around me. So if your knowledge of China is less Sun Tzu and more General Tso, then you'll do fine here. I'll give it 2.5 stars and round up because, hey, I'm visiting.
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