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  • I want to be specific. Very, VERY specific. This will not be a review of the entire Target Store Experience, the Big Red Target Logo lifestyle, the knock-off merch, the animatronic check-out robots, the mind-numbing sameness of the world-wide marketing plot to steal our souls, fill our waking hours and mask the wretched claws of mortality. Nope. This is all about one thing: Condiment packets. When you walk in, the first thing you see, well, right after the million red shopping carts, is the Mini Food Court. The smiling dude who sold me my all-beef doggie and bev cup performed something rarely seen in today's relentless march to Third Worldhood: HE DID HIS JOB. No, not just selling me my tube steak lunch. He organized the condiment packets. I mean, he REALLY organized those babies. Each was, naturally, separated by type. Catsups with the catsups, or perhaps they were all ketchups. Mustards with mustards, and so on. Here's where he did that great "value added" thing that most everyone in this great land of ours has decided just doesn't matter: Each packet was perfectly aligned with each OTHER packet. Now, I know what you're thinking. Kevin? Why in H E double hockey sticks could this possibly matter? The Tribe stinks again this year. Congress is run by people who wouldn't be hired at a Jiffy Lube. The Rolling Stones released a new album. My pants are on the ground. Only one Floridian was sucked up by an in-house sinkhole. How does THIS stack up against all that is wrong in our world? Here's how: If the packets are clean, the counter is also clean. If the counter is clean, the weenie roller is clean. If the weenie roller is clean, the Dude's hands are clean. From what in most other Target stores, world-wide, is often sub-standard food preparation comes the one man who says, "No. Not tonight. Not on MY watch. You want me on that food counter. You NEED me on that food counter." "Civilization begins with order, grows with liberty and dies with chaos" -- Will Durant
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