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| - This place is a fast-food Mecca. Despite my best intentions, I have just enough self-control to maintain an unsightly fast-food indebted belly, so I come here often. Much too often. I'm not sure if Misty (who is a lovely and sweet lady) finds it odd that I've recited my order to her enough times that I know her better than most of my immediate family, but if she does find it odd (and I know I do) she's excellent at pretending otherwise. If I ever come in and she asks me if I want "the regular" I'll know it's a sign I should cut back. But instead I'll probably just order something different. Maybe I'll add jalapenos to my burger, I don't know. I hope it doesn't get to that point.
The menu at Whataburger is pretty great - it has every option you'd expect from a burger joint and an "all-time favorites" menu that has some specialty burgers which are all fantastic, and though their burgers are always higher-priced than some of the other places you can go, they're big burgers. Everything I've tried on the menu has been fantastic, but it doesn't really matter, because I always order one of two things. To start, I always order a patty melt. Two patties, melted cheese, grilled onions and a sauce that I'd go into detail about if I wasn't concerned about alienating readers from displaying an alarming amount of affection for it. The patty melt is big and filling, but me being the careless fat man that I am I usually order a meal of chicken strips on top of it and make it a large. The meal comes with 3 strips, fries, a drink, a slice of texas toast cut diagonally (and we all know bread tastes better when cut that way), and your choice of dipping sauce. I always get gravy because it's perfect for dipping the bread into. Thank god they have diet Dr Pepper in the fountain so that I can keep this meal healthy and low-calorie. I always get spicy ketchup with my order instead of regular. I'm not sure I think it's better - in fact I'm pretty sure it's not, but sometimes the novelty wins out.
Sometimes, when I'm feeling adventurous, I make the patty melt the meal and get 2 honey butter chicken biscuit breakfast sandwiches instead of the chicken strips meal. That's where I find the only limitation with this place - they only serve breakfast between 11 PM and 11 AM. Fortunately I'm a goon and often don't wake up until the sun has gone down, which makes that time period take up a good portion of my day. On the other hand, what should be "morning" for me is often long past 11 AM. Oh and there was one other time when the guy working the drive-thru made me pull around front because it was going to take them a little longer to cook up all the food for the massive one-man feast I ordered, and he assured me he would throw in 2 apple pies for making me wait but instead he only gave me 1. I'll hold a grudge over that unforgivable crime until the day I die.
But this whataburger is open 24 hours. Even the inside is open all the time, and that's good because there aren't many other places where I can pig out at 4 AM except Filiberto's which always carries a much stronger "you might get murdered here" vibe at that hour, and I like to feel warm and safe while I destroy my body. I've spent enough money here to put one of my future children through college, and sometimes my individual orders are big enough that they cost more than anything you could get at a 5-star restaurant. And it might just be because I'm almost entirely classless, but I'm pretty sure I'd rather eat here.
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