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| - Many of my friends dig Barro's Pizza and come here for a weekly lunch as a tradition. So I decided to tag along today to see what the fuss was all about and quite frankly, I'm not that impressed.
The hot wing pizza I had was overly greasy and rich. It became the undoing of my stomach lining, causing peptic ulcers left, right, anterior posterior, superior and inferior. There was no end in sight. Like Mordor, my innards became a barren wasteland devoid of life and happiness.
As the poison passed through my body, it erupted from me like the fiery lava of Mt. Doom. The contents that spilled out scorched me like a whip from within. Such pains and labors I had to endure until I was rid of this heavy burden. Even my friends that took me here no longer seem like themselves to me. I can trust them no longer. "Share the load," they keep telling me. But I know that this is my talisman to carry and nobody else's...
My time on the porcelain throne was a hardship I would not wish upon my greatest nemesis. The sight of a grown man crying is one of the most difficult to swallow. Gandalf's words kept ringing in my ears, "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" Indeed, I feared that this pizza would never pass and would become my burden to bear for all time. To grow inside me like a tumor and become a part of me. But thankfully, it eventually did pass and the tower of Sauron fell and we have peacetime now! =)
As for my rating of Barro's, nay. You shall not pass. You fail. Though I give you props for doing what few have done to my body. My immune and digestive systems are among the most proficient and powerful in all the land and you've bested both. Let Barro's name be heard and feared as one that will forever live in infamy.
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