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| - I'm accustomed to staying in hotels like the Excalibur, Luxor and Sahara. Hotels that have the lowest rates online, but also provide me with a pretty low budget weekend, and allow me to be the cheap bitch that I am. Hotels where there ARE $5 tables, and fast food courts, and cramped living space. This past weekend, I lived like a queen. None of that classless, cheap stuff in our hotel..no way. Maybe it was more like living like THE queen of potential kink, debauchery, shark tanks, tiny clothes and mango-ey goodness, but THE queen none-the-less.
THE Queen of potential kink- This title goes to THE living quarters as a whole and what we managed to do to them. THEHotel consists of all suites. Two rooms make for room for many, and we definitely took advantage of that. We had a pile of people in the living area on Saturday night, and a full bedroom as well, making for an interesting picture for any stranger that was to be an outside observer. Couch with three, Air mattress with two, two on the floor, five in the bedroom, and who knows where everyones hands were. All the bedrooms also have mirrors on the closets and walls next to the bed which could add a very entertaining aspect to bedroom happenings. The bathroom has a pretty large tub, with a clear shower next to it, so you could watch someone bathing while showering if that is what you are into. There is also a television in every room except the guest bathroom, so you could order 24 hour porn and have it follow you around the rooms. A phone in the main toilet area also could allow for some interesting conversations with those people in the bedroom or living area.
THE Queen of debauchery- do i really need to explain this one? We were in Vegas. We were the "smoking room". THEHotel provided us with THEMix, the nightclub, and between the shot of tequila I took at THEBar, and the other stuff I ingested within all of our other rooms, sobriety was barely an option. I didn't break anything, although a few of us almost started THEfire, in THEtrashcans downstairs in THEarea where we weren't supposed to be smoking.
THE Queen of shark tanks- When telling someone that we had a shark tank in our room, it evolved into this whole conversation about how sharks were difficult roommates, and having a room filled with chum was pretty gross and hard to deal with...but in reality all I meant was that we had a channel on the television that was a 24 hour view of the Shark Exhibit at Mandalay. If sharks and fish tanks are what you are into...this was definitely the most entertaining channel on the TV.
THE Queen of tiny clothes- if only there was a reason to wear the clothes i wore this weekend in Vegas in everyday life in SF. Everyone I saw in small outfits or dresses, I would follow up by saying, man...that dress sure would be cute over jeans. Cuz that's how we roll in SF. Not in Vegas though. Somewhat modest Lauren, actually showed ALOT of skin this past weekend. I needed to feel like I fit in to the Vegas culture, and specifically the type of people who were staying at THEHotel. Classy though...not trashy. Cuz THEHotel was all class.
THE Queen of mango-ey goodness- So, this story started off at home in SF when I decided to be a good resident in my room and bring a very large bottle of Mango flavored vodka to share in Vegas. Pack it up in towels so it doesn't break, and check my bag. I arrive at the hotel, only to realize that my backpack is completely soaked, and that there is only an inch of vodka left in the bottle. NOTE TO SELF: Don't pack a bottle that has been opened. EVER. I start to freak out. I get to my room, explode my bag, and realize that everything smells like Mango. Could have been worse, and smelled like Absolut Peppar, but I definitely still start to worry. I take out my NEW green dress, my NEW white halter, and my NEW multi colored halter, only to realize that those three NEW items are the only ones affected by this ordeal. Of course. Everything smells, but the unwashed new green dress bled onto the white halter and the other one is just covered in filth. SHIT! I managed not to over-pack this weekend. I only packed outfits...and I have no other outfits for my evenings, and I love that halter that i haven't worn yet and now its no longer white...its green. I use THElaundry service. I call THEbell desk, and give them my clothes around 3 o'clock Friday. They were delivered in near perfect condition by 6 o'clock Saturday, and with the exception of the halter having a *hint* of green that you could barely see, I was super pleased at the work that the hotel did.
THEHotel provided all sorts of services to us. We ordered room service, and even though they couldn't deliver the partridge in a pear tree that we ordered, the hospitality I felt at this hotel was perfect. I would stay here again in a heartbeat. After all I am THE Queen...it would be expected.
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