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| - Ok, I'm a bit delayed in this review. But give a girl a break. I'm super busy yo! Anyway, I went here on a Saturday about 3 weeks ago. My bosses generously footed the bill for an ENTIRE SPA DAY as a holiday gift for myself and the only other female that works in our office. We gladly accepted this fantastical gift and scheduled our all-encompassing spa day a few months later.
Upon arriving, I naturally chose to valet. Because I'm stubborn as Hell. And my car is dirty. I parked waaay in back with all the other mediocre vehicles and hoofed it to the spa. Yeah, it's a trek! But a beautiful one. I greeted my fellow female coworkers and we anxiously sat in the main entrance/lounge area awaiting our turn for the aerial yoga.
The Aerial Yoga
So, for me, this was the highlight of the day. The class is very small and the teacher takes you through all the appropriate steps of how to be a successful yoga aerialist. It seems intimidating at first, but if you just pay attention and take your time, it's easy enough. More importantly, I got to hang upside down like a damn bat and say "I am DRACULA (rolled R)." At some point, we split into groups of three and flew like freaking Superman! Being the obnoxious person that I am, my goal was to get as high as possible. To be honest I scared myself a little. The class was fully enjoyable except for one thing - which knocked off that coveted 5th star for me - there was a comment made during the class that kinda rubbed me the wrong way. One of the people in the class said, "next we'll be doing pole dancing classes!" and the white snooty Scottsdale teacher said, "oh no, that's a different part of town." Oh, you mean the part of town I live in? Alrighty then. Whatever, it's all good. Keep livin' up to that Scottsdale milk-toast white lady stereotype sister.
The locker rooms / lounging / pool / lunch
After the yoga, we basically did nothing but sit around until our lunch was delivered. It was hard for me to accept this since I am NOT a spa person and had a lot of work waiting for me back home, but eventually I was able to shut it down mentally and just enjoy the day. We got a tour of the whole facility, which is really lovely. You get your own little locker, a giant robe, and some sandals that kind of look like Crocs. I opted for my own flip flops. They have 2 saunas (one that's all steamy? I dunno), a waterfall spa, a hot + cold spa, and a bunch of free stuff that poor people like myself find really amazing. I kept putting on free lotion, just 'cause it was free. At one point I was blowdrying my hair and putting on fancy deodorant for no real reason. If I had a mustache, I would've twirled it and laughed like a rich person. I threw on my Gameboy one-piece swimsuit and we headed upstairs to enjoy our delicious lunch by the beautiful pool. Damn Phoenix weather, why you so good to us?
After lunch, we basically just did more lounging. I attempted to use the sauna but felt really suffocated and was like, "you guys I don't think saunas are for me" and decided to do handstands in the jacuzzi instead. Totally fitting in at this point.
The massage
HOLY RELAXATION BATMAN. I haven't had a massage in years, maybe only like 5 in my entire life. I got a 90 minute full-body massage and it was GLORIOUS. The masseuse was really good and I think I drooled at some point. Sorry about that. She questioned why I didn't get massages more often and I was like umm because money? I suppose I could afford at least one a year or something, but I would just rather spend my money on art supplies and make my boyfriend do it for free y'know?
The end
I was basically a slug at this point. Just dragging my limbs around like a wavy wacky inflatable tube man. I sleepily said goodbye to my girly girlfriends and drove home. Where I felt like accomplishing aboslutely nothing for the rest of the day.
The service is impeccable by the way! I don't like people waiting on me hand and foot, so I probably thanked everyone way too much. But people seemed genuinely happy to be there.
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