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| - What's The Matter, Can't You Take It?
I was really pissed when Jillian's closed. It was one of the few venues that featured local bands and appealed to the under 21 crowd. That's a rarity in the valley, the biggest advancement of all ages shows on the strip was in the earliest incarnation of Gameworks, when it had the climbing structure in the coke bottle.
Would Jillian's replacement be worthy? I went in with a big open mind, which is necessary here.
First thing you notice outside is, how do I put it nicely? Well, they didn't. It's not a truck scale. It's to weigh those that challenge it's 350 lb. mark. If you're heavier than that, you get to eat for free, the details of which I'm not sure of. I'm guessing it's not for a side salad.
Since I didn't have much time, I decided to go in for a PBR and because I was reluctant to binge in a place that encouraged it on this level.
A new place has a "lot to take in" factor when you enter, must be a board of tourism rule more than a one of fine dining. Before you can visually climatize a couple of hostesses (let's face it, there's no hosts in a breastaurant) put a cloth gown on you. You realize everyone is dressed this way. Is that their form of a bib?
They put a strap on your wrist, get it it's like a hospital patients'?! There are Vegas restaurants that want you to advertise to other tourists where you've been. Where did they get that big white paper hat? We have to eat there!(?) Where'd they get that guitar you can drink from? Let's go there!
They hand you a menu, that lets you know you can buy it on the cover. I sat at the bar because I love bar service for several reasons. At this bar, there's a "doctor" bartender. I could focus on the carnival that unfolds in this place.
There's a lucky strike cigarette machine (unfiltered). There are servers dressed in tight cleavage nurse outfits. If you're eating here, chances are you've heard about the people who have actually died that have had some connection to the place. While other businesses would shun this, this place advertises it. A local has their ashes on the bar and I heard the bartender tell his story 4 times the time I was there. For 1 beer.
With a wooden paddle, nurses actually spank guys that don't finish their burgers, so you better not have to pee or crap if you can't finish. See how funny it is that a cute nurse gets to spank a guy while you eat dinner?
They offer 4 burgers for their menu, the difference being the number of patties. They took a cue from the success of In-n-out burger's minimal menu. But at least HAG offers pickles, bacon and mustard.
On the walls there are a lot of collages of images, 3 kinds: 1) towards the bathroom, there are all kinds of classic pieces of art with a HAG modification of it, maybe to appeal to "higher class," patrons? 2) on the far back wall are pop movie posters, each has a HAG modification, to appeal to 20-30 somethings, get it? 3) a mural on the far wall of the last supper, and the participants are fast food mascots eating with a doctor from HAG, to appeal to kids, get it?
It's a big lesson in ad marketing, mix your brand with successful, well known symbols as if to be endorsed by them, using them under the copyright loophole of spoofing. Star Max Wars, get it? With Luke Maxwalker.
This place seems to cater to the bachelor/ette crowds, as well as the people that give the guy they know that coughs with their smoking problem a pack of cigarettes. It's based on peer dares, weather or not you can "handle it."
Yeah, I got the jokes. And in Vegas, I certainly have handled many challenges of unsafe drinking, drugs and sexual uh... This place is crawling with gimmickry and I just felt like I was in front of planet hollywood, with all the ads yelling at me with flashy lights and people sticking fliers in my face.
This place is like tabloid tv, it may be fun to check out and "laugh at," but I wouldn't want to be a regular part of it until I became it.
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