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| - Quite simply, this place is hell on earth. I imagined myself as Chidi from "The Good Place" while I was in this ring of hell. Much like the show, each shopper is trapped in their own personal hell. Some people may be in a room full or spiders. Some severe allergy sufferer may be stuck in a confined space with tree pollen pumped through the air vents. Yet others may be stuck in a hot sauna with the voice of their completely despised ex spouse running a loop through a pair of headphones. Mine would be IKEA: a windowless warehouse where one must meander through aisles with more twists and turns than the Monaco Grand Prix.
As one wanders these aisles, they are met with strange words and symbols that mean absolutely nothing. "Are you looking for a hürsten or a hursten or a hörsten?" Perhaps you're wife wants a skilgaarden, but you accidentally grabbed a skulgardeen. Back through the maze you go! "If you are looking for a silver kültigen it is in "leisure housewares". But if you want a black kültigen, you have to go to "active housewares", about 2 miles due NNE." These are daily conversations at IKEA.
Just as Chidi would be frustrated with the selfishness and disregard for others that Eleanor exhibits, I was frustrated with the lack of store personnel available for translation. The few I did see were, to my utter dissatisfaction, on their first day, and didn't know anything more than me. Yes folks, this is hell.
1) lack of product organization
2) product not labelled
3) labelled product labelled in a foreign language
4) the haphazardness with which the items are placed around the store
5) a windowless warehouse with Björk on rotation for music
6) store associates not knowing WTF about anything
7) lack of store associates
8) pushing a cart through a maze that somehow always ends up where you started, even though you spent 48 minutes walking
9) no alcohol to make any of this slightly tolerable
If you are some fat slob who needs exercise but you refuse to get on a treadmill or walk in your neighborhood, you will certainly lose weight here. Just pick a product and try to find it: trust me, you will be there for an hour. If you like traveling and have never been to Sweden, just go here. All signs are Swedish, they sell Swedish food, and it is about the same temperature in the warehouse.
I would rather stuff live tarantulas down my throat while having Georgia Florida Line blasting over the speakers with someone waxing my private parts one hair at a time than go back here. Well done IKEA: you have built a real life Dante's "Inferno".
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