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| - In the few years that Rex has been on this planet...385 to be exact...he has learned a few things. First, never fight a naked man unless you are also naked. Sounds counter-intuitive, Rex understands that, but the degradation of fighting a naked man while clothed is too much for most people to handle. Second, Xenu is real and when that guy comes back you are all in trouble. Third, if you work on a movie set never scream "all the chicks around here look a little pudgy...without clearing out your ex-lax and diet pill collection. That feeding frenzy can last for weeks. Lastly, Rex rarely...more rare than crumbs on Orson Welles shirt...will a food experience be better the second time when it was disappointing the first time. A second bite of that old apple is usually the apple that leaves pesticide on your lips and a worm that doesn't get you high in your stomach. Gentlemen, and other scumbags, this is doubly true for your experience with the ladies. First time you are with them it is okay...second time...the always hide the valuables you didn't take and make sure no cash is in the house. Tricky tricky.
Rex was disappointed when he went to the Slidin' Thru food truck a few years ago. Long line. Little pay off. The burger was okay, but they were all overcooked. An overcooked burger is like Rex after too much of his homemade punch (1 part Smith's brand Draino, 2 parts powdered eggs, 3 parts Von's brand Windex, 4 parts water from Lake Mead)...burned past the point of good taste. Rex is a fiend on punch. A punching fiend. The burgers on line were tasty because of the unique flavors, but the burger itself was a letdown due to the hour long line. In all fairness they would have been a let down on a 3 minute line. Creativity is great. It is flair. Flair is great. Rick Flair is great. Flair is what got David Copperfield girls while looking like a wax statue of a man made by a blind person with 4 fingers. 3 flares and a canister of propane got Rex 8 months. Flair can overcome a lot. The problem with flair is that it fades quickly...like drinking ammonia or dating Taylor Swift. Both come on strong but are no good in bed. (Ammonia releases the bowels...much like TS's music.) Flair is for gimmick hungry newbies. Slidin Thru felt like gimmicks the first time to Rex and Rex NEVER went back. Until Rex was eventually dragged back...but this time to the Slidin' Thru restaurant and this time by his new woman Martha "Skin Sack" Sugarmanington.
Skin Sack told me that these burgers were good. She begged. She implored. She used her feminine wiles. Then she did the only thing that Rex can't resist. She paid. So Skin Sack and I headed up to what felt like Utah by the time we got there. Could this place be any further out? Next time why not just make a lean-to out in the desert? Rex was annoyed. An annoyed Rex is a projectile vomiting Rex. Not good for Skin Sack's bike...but that girl can peddle.
Rex is happy to say that Slidin' Thru was MUCH better than before. The Pulled Porky, obviously named after Skin Sack before the operation, was the very good. Rex loves pulling on her skin as she peddles me around town. Rex cuddles up in it on a cool night. Rex pulls some skin over his head as a skin shade. To me the best two burgers came down to the old standby...the Pep Pep. Cooked well, made with care, and packed with flavor...but...I have to give the nod to the Chicky Boom. The sriracha is the star of this sandwich. Great addition burst of flavor, some heat, a little needed complexity. Excellent sandwich. The regular fries were good, but the sweet potato fries we excellent. Crunchy, soft on the inside. Really a nice sweet component to cut through the richness of the burgers.
Rex has complaints. The Captain's Order is bordering on vile. The flavors don't work. They went for a Greek thing, but it is like watching Greco-Roman Wrestling...odd, off putting and a waste of time. The Caprese is such a great concept...but it was terribly under seasoned and the sauce reduction too sweet. Also of all our burgers, and we ordered a lot...we did get some that were borderline overcooked. None were as terrible as the truck, but still...this place isn't cheap. Rex isn't going to the ends of the earth to get stuff that is hit and miss. Skin Sack worked hard to get us there...she deserves better than standing outside while Rex spends her money and she is forced to watch Rex eat food that isn't subject to better quality control.
Rex has one big problem and it goes back to the truck issue...Slidin' Thru is popular. They do well. They have a fan base. That is all great. Rex has a feeling what they don't have is exacting standards for their food. They love tattoos and having fun, working hard and creating interesting flavors...but they don't love holding themselves to a higher standard each and every time they cook. They push burgers. Which is fine...but what about more? Some love a cool concept...but everyone loves a great burger.
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