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| - You know that part of "MTV Cribs" where the home owner takes you into their bedroom and announces, "This is where the magic happens!!"? Well, imagine for a second that the cameraman then pans down to a 1990's twin-sized bed adorned with pillows that had expiry dates some time around when the ball dropped on the new millennium.
Underwhelming? You bet. Embarrassing? Oh, most definitely.
Sadly, for 24 years I slept in the exact same twin-sized bed, adorably appointed with drawers underneath. In fact, while moving the bed into the guest bedroom of my new house (the "Dudeplex", if you will), I opened the drawers on the bottom to reveal a Calgary Flames jersey that would have fit me when I was 8 years old and a sweater my Oma had knit with a bunch of planets on it. I wish I was joking.
Things really hit home when I house sat for some family friends and realized their two year old slept in a larger bed than I did. While sprawling out in their toddler's purple-walled kingdom, I decided right then and there - it was time for a new bed.
Yup, I was really going to treat myself and get a Queen, with a new mattress, new pillows, new sheets - new everything.
Problem: I don't have any sense of home decor style.
Problem: I don't know bed lingo. What the hell is a "Sham"? What's a duvet, and why does it need a cover? Does someone who no longer pees the bed really need a "Mattress protector?"
So I called in some support - my fashionista sister and her happy-go-lucky fiancee. Off we headed to Bed Bath & Beyond. She helped me plan color schemes while her future husband darted around the store grabbing the most expensive things he could get his hands on and proclaiming how awesome they were to anyone who would listen.("Oh! Man! Feel this! It's amazing! Joely, feel this!")
We had navigated most of the store and picked up a package of what we thought would be decent sheets. That's when we were intercepted by Marcella.
Marcella is the nicest, sweetest woman I've ever run into at a retail store in my life. That's not an exaggeration. If I could have Marcella as a third grandmother, I would do so in a heartbeat. She's a cute little lady with a kitschy sense of humor and a genuine love of helping people find what they - really - need.
Marcella gently asked if we needed any help, to which I replied that we definitely did. With a big smile on her face, she asked what I was looking for. Upon learning that my walls were gray and that I wanted something "manly and strong", she immediately told us to put the package we had picked up back where it came from. "Let's find something much better," she said. I wanted to hug her.
Marcella ran us through a few different options, explaining each one with the patience and demeanor of Mary Poppins. We followed her little 5"3 frame around the store as she pointed out different color schemes. She shared industry secrets - like the fact that even if you buy a Queen sized duvet cover, you should buy a King Sized duvet. More "Bounce for your Ounce", she called it. Every single heart within a 10 mile radius melted.
(And she was RIGHT, by the way. My bed is incredibly comfy thanks to the fact that there are no empty spots in the duvet. Genius-level bed-making.)
Marcella has made a lot of beds in her life, by her own admission. She shared what she had learned from years of making beds for her family, from grandchildren on up. Her grandson likes one type of pillow. Her daughter can't sleep if she's too hot. Marcella knew intimately exactly what every kind of sleeper might need to get a good night's rest, like some sort of slumber fairy.
She showed us a wide variety of options - and knowing I was a new home owner, she showed me the items that would be both affordable and comfortable.
When she was confident she had told us everything we'd need to know about bedding, she smiled and went to help someone else. Before leaving, she leaned back and said, adorably, "There's a sign in the store you can buy that says "Man Cave". Maybe you want to put it on your room!" It was so cute that it hurt.
We settled on burgundy sheets and a black duvet - both strong and manly colors that were much better than the patchwork brown sheets I had selected prior.
We then moved on to pillows, realized we didn't know ANYTHING and called Marcella back into action. She delivered once again, explaining how she bought pillows:
"Buy a bunch. Test 'em out! For me, I need something I can grab and bunch up, like this" (demonstrating with the pillow in another heart-melting display). She then explained that she bought a few pillows, slept with them and, if she woke up uncomfortable, "threw the bad pillows on the ground" until she found a winner. Then she'd keep it.
Needless to say, I found pillows with her help. She smiled, winked, and floated off again to spread joy to other patrons of Bed Bath and Beyond.
I spent nearly $500 here, and didn't regret it one bit. Amazing. Go see Marcella; demand she get a raise.
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