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| - I once thought I knew what luxury was. Luxury is yachts. Luxury is stretch limousines. Luxury is diamond tiaras and Rolex watches. Luxury is Bentleys and Beverly Hills; bone-in filets and "bon appetite". Luxury is throwing some glitter and making it rain.
I once thought luxury in its truest form was to only be attainable by the rich and the powerful - but boy was I wrong. People -- luxury IS attainable. I know this, because I recently experienced it at the Country Inn and Suites outside of Madison, WI.
Whether you opt for an "inn" or spring for a "suite" - you're going to love this fucking hotel. Upon entering the palatial lobby, a charming bellman presented me with my own personal luggage dolly, even though it was clear that my strapping, young body was more than adequate to carry my small, nylon duffle bag. The Sconnie at the front desk even put me up on the top floor of the resort (floor 3), which offered views of one of the most gorgeous bodies of water I had ever seen.
The ice bucket was a nice touch. It was large, though not too large as to take up much of the expansive counter space the room provided. There was even a plastic liner for the bucket--which I scoffed at. To think, who would even consider using it in such a pristine, meticulously manicured suite? I quickly tossed it, and when I did I couldn't help but notice the luxurious mini-fridge down below. Let me tell you, there was nothing "mini" about this fridge. I fit an entire case of Coors Light in there, along with some Gatorade, and cheese curds to boot. It looked so cool and cozy that, at the end of the evening, I wanted to curl up and sleep in there.
Though it wasn't easy -- I refrained from sleeping in the mini-fridge. I mean, how could I sleep in there with one of the most luxurious beds I had ever seen staring me in the face? You could fit John, Kate, and the 8 on this bed. I never would, though. I'd kick them all out and keep all of the fresh pillows and down comforters to myself-- because THAT'S luxury, and Kate is mean. If it wasn't for a call of nature which I battled until my bladder nearly exploded on all of the luxurious bedding, I might STILL be laying in that fluffy wonderland of extravagance.
Now, I've peed in some nice bathrooms... very nice bathrooms actually. Once, I came across a bathroom SO nice, I couldn't pee in there. I held it, and peed in my less fortunate bathroom at home-- but this bathroom? This bathroom was so luxurious; I HAD to pee in it. I couldn't unzip my fly fast enough (literally, I peed a little in my pants). Thankfully there was a cornucopia of fine soaps and lotions at my disposal. I would bet that royalty uses these same soaps - they just had that royal smell about them. When I was done drying my hands, I squirted a little more of that soap on them and didn't even wash it off.
Summary: In hindsight, this is really only a place you want to stay at if you're celebrating something really special-- a honeymoon, for instance, or a significant wedding anniversary. I would've stayed someplace else had I known the Country Inn and Suites was so luxurious. Now, back at my home, I fear I may never taste that royal tang again. Enjoy your stay here; cherish it. I know I sure did.
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