I'm going to start by telling you my masseuse had to take a dump in the middle of my massage. It was disgusting and I couldn't stop laughing.
Now I'll start from the beginning.
Looking for a cheap massage for my homegirl's bday present, she found The Foot Spa w/ a Yelp Deal: $28 for detox foot bath and massage. We sat in the parking lot while we made our purchase via cell phone (crazy things the phone does these days!) and then walked through the door. We were seated in the dark with the exception of the bright flat screen t.v. playing a football game in our face. I waited about 30mins before I finally asked if they would turn it off.
We sat there for 15mins before anyone said anything to us. The kitchen/breakroom is nearby, so we heard someone warming up their food in the microwave, eating it really fast, and then coming out to service us. The older Chinese dude came over to put his grimy hands on me and I could tell from the smell of him that it was his ass that was eating.
He stuck my feet in luke warm water with a giant machine attached to it and threw a piece of paper on my lap that explained what the detox was. It was gibberish and my feet started to hurt really badly. Scary.
He started my massage and all I could hear was his bubble guts. Then while I was laying back with my eyes closed I heard him scurry off really fast and slam a door shut. Sadly, there is only a very thin wall separating the massage space and the toilet, so all my friend and I could hear was him blowing his cakes out. I didn't hear him wash his hands. He just walked back over and continued massaging me. I didn't say anything purely out of humor.
In the middle of the massage another woman kept turning the light on and off and making a lot of noise. It was distracting, not relaxing at all. Though my friend seemed to enjoy her massage, I thought it place was a goddamn joke.