| rev:text
| - So... I'm too old (mature?) to enjoy clubbing anymore. I mean, there's a time and place for it, but I'm finding that the occasion pops up less. Well, I got an invite to their anniversary event was promised free entry and free food and drinks. Alright, I guess that's as good as reason as any.
We arrive at opening on the weekend night and there's a monstrous line already - but we were let in about 5 minutes. Alright, the place is pretty sleek like any other douchey club. All the female bartenders have huge fake boobs and work really slow. The place is packed - too packed to move around and far too packed to dance anywhere -- which would be a even bigger problem if they played music that wasn't absolute shit - it was blend of some house shit and Top 40.
There was what appeared to be a dancefloor, but they put a mini-stage there and they had a contortionist 'performing' (or whatever the fuck the term would be to say 'she did bendy stuff'). So, people just stood around slack-jawed and watched the contortionist... contort... while over-scented people holding drinks tried to squeeze past you because the club is so packed.
I wasn't enjoying this at all - but fuck it, my lady friend and I were loading up on free drinks and food and bullshitting. I'll fight my rising urge to punch someone in the face until all the drinks were gone.
As for the cougar comments in the other reviews... let me tell you a story: when I was in Costa Rica, my business associate took me down to a notorious 'working girl' bar in downtown San Jose - basically a place for tourists and rich locals to find a prostitute (legal in CR). Neither of us were interested in 'pay to play' but he had to show me the scene. So we just drank, watched the girls ply their trade and made proposition bets. So, we decided to bet on which one of us could sit alone at the bar the longest before being solicited by a working girl - loser buys all the drinks. Now, this is a bar where it's 10 girls for every guy, we got cat-called and whistled at when we walked in and my business associate got groped when he went to the washroom. We were raw meat here. I ended up winning the bet, but even with my meanest scowl and most defensive body language, a lady introduced herself to me within a minute - my associate lasted about 40 seconds.
At Cube, I was cougar attacked within 15 seconds. 15 SECONDS! These ladies be thirsty. I didn't even notice older people in the club. So I figured, 'Wow, did they mean 30+ = cougar?' Well, my gal pal went to the ladies room and this middle-aged lady that looked like my high school Geography teacher spontaneously materialized. She was like a ninja - she literally blindsided me. I know I'm a hot piece of man - but geez.
So - your typical douchey club with no place to dance. Tries to be upscale but I've been to raves with more walking room. When we left, I wish I had a grenade to lob into the crowd amassed outside the velvet rope. And of course, the highlight: cougars so thirsty that they are even more aggressive than 3rd world prostitutes.
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