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  • Castle Sports Club is the greatest bait and switch I have ever witnessed; you see the ramparts and drawbridge and you think "castles are good. Surely there must be some of ye olde good times to be had", but alas, there is little awesome to be had here. No knights or dragons. Just an inline skating rink on its last legs, a snack bar at least fifteen years out of date and ever-permeating smell of dirty socks and failure. Somewhere in the Phoenix area there must be a dilapidated old fitness center with a dungeon and a silly-looking man with a goblet screaming "I SAID MORE WINE!" instead of any exercise equipment. I only ever went to Castle Sports Club for the Roller Derby league. I love roller derby. So much that the first thing I'm going to do after I'm medically declared a woman is to form a roller derby team. I'd call it Princess Squad Battel! (intentionally misspelled) with an uber-Japanese logo. Oh, I'm sorry, were you reading this for factual content? CSC taints every event held inside of it with an aura of fail and apathy. That's right. It's Michael Bay in building form. The ceiling leaks whenever it rains, the A/C is MC Hammer (get it? Broke? Fuck you, I know I'm funny), and the floor looks like it hasn't been cleaned or repaired since it was laid down. The league fees are so expensive that you keep looking around the building to see where the money went. Do they actually pay the referees? Are the toilets made of gold? Well, are they? I'm being serious here, I didn't go in them. I almost did, but this three hundred pound guy with a coffee stain down his shirt stepped out with this feeling of accomplishment on his face and I thought "hey, I got that empty 7-11 cup in my car..." It's only a matter of time before Castle Sports will be hosting dog fights and illegal steel cage matches. Which might in fact be a step up for them. It's a shame, though. All this potential fun to be had wasted on such a crappy venue. Makes you wish there was somewhere else to go. Fuck it. Nobody goes to Rollero anymore, right?
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