| rev:text
| - What's this? A bro reviewing the ballet? And giving it five stars? Awwww hell yeah, kids.The ballet is badass.
Now I know what you're thinking: "The ballet? What, are you some sort of turtle-neck wearin', Glee-watchin', Jazz-handsin' squeeb?"
Nope. But open your mind, fool. I'm about to lay down some gospel that might just change the way you fellas out there think about the ballet.
First, find a good lookin' broad who raises your eyebrows and has a serious appreciation for the fine arts. The only tips I can offer here are to clip your fingernails and shine your shoes - the rest is up to you.
Next, surprise her with tickets to the ballet. Make sure they're as close to the stage as possible; that's going to be important and it also shows you've got some deep pockets on you and a whole lot of class. Who wants to watch the ballet through binoculars? Not you, Casanova, and neither does your date.
So you're thinking, "Great, but now I have to watch a ballet".
HELL YEAH YOU DO, SUCKER, AND YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT. What's not to love about women in the prime of their health adorning tight fitting costumes and bending in ways unnatural for an hour or two?
"The men." you might answer, and you'd have a valid point. Because there will be men up there in the same tight fitting garb, and you may just catch a glimpse of their fig n' prunes. I suggest you just learn to selectively ignore them, but if you must glance, glance only once. You may feel like giving them a slow clap, but resist.
As an aside, if you're not a Call Of Duty playing neanderthal there's somethin' great to be appreciated in the way the Alberta Ballet puts their shows together. For real though. Great sets. Talented performers. Beautiful music. It's some classy, high-grade stuff.
So, now you've shown her that you're sophisticated and way into meaningful storytelling through the art of dance. That's your first big win.
Buy her wine during the intermission. There's win number two. Never met a classy lady in this world who didn't appreciate a good glass of wine.
But the last big win is that instead of taking her out to Denny's for a Super Bird or making her come over and watch Top Gun for the billionth time, you've actually put some thought into your date. You've shown her you care enough to take her to see a world class show. Mix in the fact that you've bought tickets close enough for her to watch the bulging biceps and flexing muscles of ballet-bros lifting those ladies above their heads gracefully, and that right there is pure magic to the womenfolk.
She's probably going to want to make out with you in the parking lot. Just let it happen.
You're welcome.
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