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| - The earthiness and general grime of Kensington seep into the relatively sterile and plain-looking King's Cafe via complex metaphysical processes and ceiling to floor front windows, appropriately seasoning what could otherwise be considered a bland atmosphere.
The music lightly pouring from the unobtrusive speaker system is reminiscent of other Asian restaurants, and stages from more obscure 2D fighting games where you're in a bamboo forest and some kind of pink or white petals are falling from the sky.
When you sit down and open the menu, look no further than 'Main Entrees-Kung Po Soy Fritters'.
I live for this sh*t. Do you understand what I'm saying? I f***ing live for this sh*t. I want you to read that sentence again: I. f***ing. live. for this. sh*t. *slaps you in the face* I need you to comprehend this, 'Yelp'. Read it! --- I LIVE FOR THIS SH*T. *slaps even harder* AGAIN!---- I. LIVE. FOR THIS F***ING-- *kicks you in the nuts* I want you to right-click on this page- scroll down- select 'Print...'- take the necessary steps to make a high definition glossy print- cut out the sentence- and eat it so you can fully absorb the meaning... I. LIVE. FOR. THIS. MOTHER. F***ING. SH*T. Kung Po Soy Fritters.
It's a great selection of vegetables, and some amazing fake a** meat served up on a big a** plate with some bada** sauce and it's so good. So good. So good. So good. I've ordered that dish like 20 times, but honestly, everything on the menu is great. I've had probably 60% of it, and as far as I can tell you really can't go wrong, just different degrees of right. The ONLY thing that can be said about the palpable contrast between me and those remarking that the food here is just 'okay' or 'good' is that we have COMPLETELY different taste in food. The food here is great.
It's healthy. It's vegetarian. It tastes BETTER than non-vegetarian restaurants. Pat my a** with a paddle covered in tattoo guns if that doesn't bring King's Cafe immediately to the higher ranks of the 'best food in TO' list.
"...not bad..." "...no complaints..." "...generally good..." --- what on earth are you people thinking?
Yeah, and Jesus Christ was a somewhat decent guy I guess, Adolf Hitler was marginally bad, and I won a 4.5 million dollar jackpot yesterday- it was mildly interesting. SMH. SMH at all of you. You should be ashamed of yourselves.
Most of the servers here seem to speak very little english, but they have that bashful politeness I believe is a cultural thing, so it's all good.
I guess you could say the King's speech here is ESL. Know what I'm saying?
The place is great.
*slam dunks a basketball into a chain net to M.O.P's 'Ante Up,' spits on hand, turns around to look you up and down one last time, and diddy-bops off into the night*
ADDITIONAL NOTES:
Okay I've thought about it some more and you might want to be aware of these things:
-I like my veggies crunchy, they serve them crunchy.
-I don't really like onions, and they don't seem to serve onions with anything (it is in the realm of possibility that they do and I actually have always asked for no onions by force of habit)
-When I am aware a food is relatively good for me, it tends to amplify good tastes a little.
-But the place is still objectively quite good.
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