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  • If Wingin Out had a mother, it would be very hard for her to say "I'm proud of you, son." But Wingin Out doesn't have a mother, because Wingin Out is the product of a back-alley abortion. If you remember eating at the old restaurant at 301 Green, congratulations! You're the only person to have eaten at Niro's Gyros without being blacked out! The apparent goal of Wingin Out is simply to not be as bad as Niro's. At first glance, Wingin Out looks like a wing joint from the streets of Kabul. But once you get inside, it's actually more like a wing joint from the streets of Baghdad. You're first blown away by the lack of anything on the walls. Seriously. There is literally nothing on the walls. Not even a menu. For items and prices, just ask the guy behind the cash register who probably has more experience selling MDMA than chicken wings. I noticed that the water is served in 8-oz plastic cups, and poured from the utility sink in the back. This gives it a nice, warm, cloudy, 'I feel like I'm in an African prison' type essence. Now brace yourself--I'm going to say something good about this place. They don't pull punches with the wing sauce. You'll be shitting battery acid before you have time to brush your teeth the next morning. But the worst thing by far: the wings are breaded. Honestly. I'm not kidding. They're fucking breaded buffalo wings. The last person who enjoyed breaded buffalo wings died from a self-inflicted gun shot wound in the bathroom of a Nevada Hooters in 1989. Breaded wings should be outlawed for public safety reasons. The guys who run Wingin Out take restauranteurism about as seriously as Joe Paterno took child abuse--"Ah, fuck it. It'll figure itself out." But there's always hope for the Wingin Out empire. Drunk college students aren't rational consumers. Shitty food seems to find a place to fester at 301 Green, and if Niro's could last for as long as it did, then anything is possible. It's like the radioactive contamination at Chernobyl--there's no way to get rid of it and it will be there forever. And it will give you cancer.
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