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| - Despite the fact that this isn't my favorite style of pizza I'm giving it 5 Stars. It deserves more. Let me also be clear that I've never met Shelly and this is in no way a reflection of the woman.
But, oh that pie...
This is the kind of pie you come across late at night and can't believe she's from your town. That's probably because she's not the perfect beauty that everyone shares on their Facebook page. There is nothing about her that conforms with society's normal conventions of beauty. But she is gorgeous, and irresistible. You get a glance of this voluptuous goddess and catch one whiff of her sweet/savory scent and are instantly in love. Or lust? I never can tell.
You take her home and there's just so much to her that you wonder how you can handle it. There's no way you can just dig in without making a huge gooey mess. The discipline to go get a fork and knife and a plate are necessary, but you can't wait... You cannot help but dive right in. And it's everything you've imagined that it could be. It's so damn messy, but the flavor dripping down your chin is heaven and you no longer have the ability to care about how dirty you get.
After finishing that first piece, you shouldn't go back for more. But you do, because you can't help yourself--- and you keep going back until you physically are unable to take another bite.
Now, here's the great thing: your Shelly Pie be there tomorrow! Oh, you won't start off the day with a slice. No, you're too good for that. You'll decide to be the good little scout and choose something a little more "nutritious." Something that you won't be ashamed to be seen with if your family drops in unexpectedly.
But she's still there, and all day you can't stop thinking about her.
So later that night, when you can't control yourself any longer, you call to her and she's instantly there for you: in all her heavy, tasty, thick, luscious decadence. Within minutes, she's hot and steamy, you light headed and hungry, and it begins all over again. Just like the night before when you brought her home; you can't get enough, you go back for more and more until you're so ecstatic and fulfilled that you pass out in a love-drunk haze thinking of nothing but Shelly Pie.
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Post-Script:
Life is beautiful. Life is sweet. But the laws of physics say that what goes up, must come down and likewise the calendar says that work week eventually comes back around. You valiantly go about your business with only limited daydreaming of your crazy weekend.
The clock spins 'round, it's dark and you've done your time. So you get out the door, it's late Monday night, and then it hits you in the face like Sonny Liston wearing brass knuckles:
Shelly Pie closes at 10 PM!
You'll be going home alone.
But that's ok. Because if you had Shelly Pie every day, you'd be dead within a year.
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