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  • In the style of Ignatius J. Reilly This city is famous for its pablum strip mall culture, its tweaked city-vagrants, Antichrist shadeless palms, artificial tans, frauds with transfixed hairstyles, fetishists in stilettos, sodomites, drug addicts, exhibitionists, internet punchers, and litterbugs, all of whom are too reconciled by the lagniappe. If you have a moment, I shall endeavor to discuss the portion of this shambles that makes up for the dissident of its surroundings, Sky Harbor Airport which i bothered to scribe into my Big Chief Tablet during my last expedition to fairer country. It is rather fine. It is not only clean, but impeccable. The staff is quite firm on the rules, which I was not made aware that a lute may pass through their customs, but not my British Honduran macaw or Belizian soy nuts. Ho hum. I had to insert them into the bowel of the plane, which is right where I told the wanded lady to stick her apparatus. I wandered up into Terminal Four, exceedingly the only port worth venturing from, with its hoards of awful fat inducing foods that I would never let my indulgences approach. So, I had several plates of Chili Cheese Fries and four bloody marrys at Fox Sports Grill to block my urge from any of the other filth this corporate consortium of overfed Americana bestows on its citizens. Filth! Not me. No way would I indulge here. Though Terminal Four is quite a pleasant atmosphere, and allow myself to reiterate, the best port of exit, there is a severe mass of human activity. If you are like myself, you won't enjoy the egregious offense against good reading at all of the newstands and boutique book shops around the mall area. The "Somebody in Arizona Loves Me" apparel is without shame entirely! Still, if I must leave my beautiful burg in the sun, I enjoy the comforts of this guttersnipe and bawb babble infested airport. Its just slightly above ho hum. But only a just little.
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