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| - There are a few things in life a man shouldn't penny-pinch on: Toilet paper, bungee cords, engagement rings and - of course - his mattress.
After all, you spend years upon years of your life laying down, asleep. Failing to buy a good mattress could result in you resembling the hunchback of Notre Dame by the time you hit 25 - and while everything worked out for that gimpy little bugger, I certainly don't want to roll the dice like that.
Having spent over 22 years sleeping in the exact same twin-sized bed, it was time for a change. Something I could sprawl out in, or even just roll over in. In fact, at this point I was ready to settle for pretty much anything my feet didn't hang off of.
I had stopped by the Bay to check out their selection, but was "helped" by a woman who had very little insightful advice to share about much of anything.
"What's this one?"
"Oh, it's a pocket coil, it's a very good bed."
"Oh, okay. And what's the difference between that one and this one over here?"
"Oh, this one is a memory foam mattress. They're both very good beds."
Erm right.
And this one over here? "It's a.." - I'm sure you can finish that one on your own. So, finding the expertise at The Bay less than adequate for a decision as critical as my sleeping quarters, I headed for Sleep Country. Hopefully someone there could do more than espouse all of their products as "very good".
The first time I went in I was helped by a guy whose name now escapes me. All I know is he's the big-bed-boss man who sometimes also works at Royal Oak. He was very patient and helpful as I tested out more or less every single bed in the entire location before settling on one of the mattresses I had tried very first.
We realized through scientific testing and analysis that pillow top beds with too much pillow "felt like sinking into an ocean of unhappy quicksand", while memory foam beds felt like "something my grandma would sleep on".
At the end of the day, an ideal solution was found: a pillow top mattress with not-so-much pillow top. Brilliant. And it was on sale!
I didn't make the purchase then and there - and remarkably he didn't throw a temper tantrum like so many salesmen out there. NOTE TO SALESMEN: A lot of people aren't going to buy on their first visit. Sighing heavily and acting like a dick ensures they won't come back a second time. I don't know why so few of you get this, but sort it out.
I didn't return for months, mostly because I bought a house and had other pressing matters to attend to. So last month I finally went back.
The nice man who helped me was gone, but there was Kevin.
Kevin helped me find something similar to the mattress I had laid on (the on-sale mattress from the last time was gone), and, low and behold THIS one was on sale too! Well done, Kevin.
Although, I'm pretty sure I gave Kevin the easiest sale of his entire life. I walked in, walked right up to him, asked if the other guy was there, found out he wasn't, asked if the mattress was there, found out it wasn't, laid on exactly 4 mattresses before saying "this one", slapping down my credit card and walking out the door.
Kevin didn't have to do anything but show me what I asked for. No salesmanship, no coercing, no explanations, nothing. Just, "here's the closest thing to the last one, here's the mattress that's a step down, here's one that's a step up. You like the first one? Great. I'll send it to your house."
Boom, commission central. I didn't even haggle with him because I was so tired of shopping for mattresses.
So, 4/5 for the whole experience. How could they have gotten a 5/5? Well, Kevin, you and I both know that mattress isn't worth the sticker price OR the sales price. You should have offered me some free stuff, like a pillow, or some sheets, or a blanket or something.
And you could have high-fived me on the way out the door.
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