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| - If restaurants were fairy tales, Waffle House is "Prince and the Pauper". Its an exercise in humility. It allows you to see how the rest of the world eats while you're eating 25 dollar salads.
"Oh what a wonderfully horrid place! Now, if we could only find the hostess..."
Can't afford a hostess. Sorry. Just find a table. Try to find one that's clean.
"Very well. Oh, I do think I would enjoy some sparkling water and cranberry juice-"
There's soda and there's coffee. Or they have two flavors of water; dirty tap and dirty tap with ice.
"Oh, um, very well. There doesn't seem to be enough menus for everyone at our party."
Share.
"Oh...um, fair enough then. I will have the all-star special, with cheese on my eggs and, how do you say it, my hash browns 'smothered' and 'covered'? Oh that sounds so delightfully filthy."
Whatever turns you on, man.
"Oh dear me, they're cooking it right in front of us...that man's not wearing any plastic gloves! He's man-handling my food with his bare hands! This is outrageo--oh wait...is this how you lowly folk eat? Well then, don't mind me! GET YOUR HANDS ALL OVER MY FOOD, GOOD MAN! IN FACT, I WOULD LIKE SOME EXTRA HAIR IN MY BACON! HAHAHA!"
...
"No, seriously, I didn't want any hair in my bacon"
Okay, well let me just pluck it out off your plate. All better then.
"Did you just put YOUR hands on my food too!? The gall! The bravado! I love it!"
How's your food?
"My bacon's crunchy, I can feel the cheese you've smothered all over my eggs clogging my arteries, these hash browns are a texture and consistency I've never seen occur in nature anywhere, and another cup of this coffee and I'll be able to do wind sprints back to my house. I absolutely love it! I'm never going back to my old life of roasted pheasant and caviar ever again. Do you hear me world, EVAR!"
It's something like that. For serious.
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