| rev:text
| - I'm done with the antiquated Turkish bazaar style of sales "technique" car dealerships provide. In this day and age we shouldn't have to spend multiple hours going back and forth just to make a purchase. Sitting in empty offices while the salesperson disappears to "talk to my manager" - don't BS me, I've seen Fargo, I know what you are really doing.
Everyone uses the internet to research the type of car they want, you can look up the MPG, the cargo room, the legroom. You know what colours are available and what trims. You can even look at the dealer website and see what inventory is in stock, complete with accessories and MSRP* (The Manufacturer's Suggested Retail Price excludes destination freight charge, tax, title, license, dealer fees and optional equipment. See your dealer for details)
So I had gone onto the GMC website, found the exact model of vehicle I wanted to buy with the exact specifications that fit my need and my budget. I got a generic email from John, the Coulter Internet Manager telling me he's my man. There were two models listed in stock, so I sent an email to him with the VINs of the cars I was interested in, together with the make model and mileage of my trade-in. I never heard anything back.
So a couple of days later I walk into Coulter. This is not your typical dealership with hundreds of cars on the lot, there are maybe 6 cars out front and a couple more in the showroom. Imagine the scene - I walk into the showroom which has car salesmen all hanging around each others desks, chewing the fat and yucking it up. They scatter like cockroaches when I walk in. An older gentleman approaches me,
You looking for parts?
No, I want to buy a car
Well if you are looking for parts, it's down that way
No, I want to buy a car
Oh, come this way
That's how I met Dean. Dean has a PhD. I know this because it's on his business card AND on the door plate to his office. Don't ask for Dean if you are in a rush, because he moves like molasses. Up we go in an elevator, through a door to a second floor garage. We are looking for the car I am interested in. Dean is half listening to me. I tell him that I have the exact car I need to see. I tell him that according to your website you have two in stock, one silver and one white. Let's find either of them. He doesn't know where they are. We look in the garage; we look out on the lot. We go back down the elevator to his office. I give him the VINs, he disappears, comes back and off we go to try and find either of the two cars. After much searching and much shuffling we find one of them, out on a parking lot, behind the service area, mixed in with private cars and one with the whole side missing. Yep, you guessed it, Dean doesn't have the keys.
When he finally returns with the keys, he reluctantly takes me on a test drive. No you can't drive it out of the lot, we have security. Where is this security when we were looking for the car? Maybe they can instigate a search for the white one I was really interested in. We then go on the most pedestrian test drive ever. No freeway exposure, just literally around the block. I'm driving a V6 I want to let it go, see what it can do, but nope.
So the car drives well, the MSRP is right. All that is needed now is to work out how much they are going to give me for my trade-in. As a good internet user I have researched the Kelly Blue Book value of my car. The KBB trade-in value is low, I expect that. They offer a range based on the condition of the car, from a low number if the car is ready for the scrapheap, to a high number if it is in pristine condition. I figure I'm somewhere in the middle. But it is what it is and with the range in hand we begin the negotiations. Cue Dean's exit again, this time with my car keys.
At first he can't get the VIN entered into his computer, so he figures he wrote it down wrong, then he takes his iPhone and snaps a photo of it, that doesn't work. He asks me if I have my insurance card and he reads the VIN off that. Finally, he gets the computer to accept the number. Lots of button pushing ensues, then he curses the printer, then he prints something, then he's off again.
When Dean finally returns, he has a price for me. $2,000 less than the low price on my range! Are you kidding me? At least he doesn't try to spin me a line about the age of the car or the condition. Just this is the price, take it or leave it. I say I'll leave it. This is a critical time in the car sales negotiation process, I waited half a second and then it came.
"What can we do to get you in a new car today?"
I said you can stop insulting me with that price and offer something within the KBB range. Ok, he says, "Let me go talk to my manager". So Dean makes his final departure. When he returns he shakes my hand and says we are getting nowhere, just wasting each other's time and goodbye.
So here I am, three hours later no further forward in the car buying process than I was before.
Sigh. I wish Amazon sold cars
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