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  • In an ideal world, every McDonald's employee would be taken out back at gunpoint. "You can now work for Swenson's," they'd say, "Or we can put a bullet in your head." Then every McDonald's would be transformed to have the best burger in the whole dang world. And anyone who complained that they couldn't get their McNuggets would be shot in the head, and the world would be a better place. I said in a previous review that Bearden's had the best burgers in town. I was wrong. This place has the most amazing burgers I've ever had... And as an extra-special blast, you get it in a retro-cuisine drive-in fashion! That's right. You drive up, and park, and flash the lights, and a guy RUNS out to your car to take your order. Then he comes back with a tray, and he sticks it on your window, and you eat in the car and play the Grease soundtrack and feel quite the hipster at eating at a drive-in. The burgers are amazing. The buns are like Hawaiian bread, very sweet and light and tasty, whereas the burgers are quality meat, done correctly. You want bacon? It's actual goddamned bacon. And the burgers are like $2.50 apiece, amazingly cheap (although you pay extra for every add-on, including tomatoes and lettuce). They have fried mushrooms that are... Well, they're okay. I mean, they're fried mushrooms, which have the traditional problem of that if you eat them in two bites, the coating breaks free of the slippery mushroom inside, and you're eating either a shell or a mushroom. They also have seventeen flavors of shakes. The shakes are thick and tasty; I had a butterscotch that was heavy on the butterscotch flavoring, and didn't feel made from ice cream - maybe it was, but it was more in the McDonald's vein of "gooey stuff" than "milk with ice cream bits in it." But then again, maybe I waited too long to eat it. The only ding I have against Swenson's is that they have yet to take over the world and shoot all the McDonald's. I'm waiting, people. I'll even fill out the gun permits for you, if you ask nicely.
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