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| - After you've insulted everyone, burned all of your bridges, lost all your money, and are desperately in need of a location where you can hide from the world, nurse your wounds, and suck down something call ass juice there is no place better than the Double Down Saloon (aka the Happiest Place on Earth).
You want a dive bar ... this is the definition! A little off the Vegas strip ... no respectable dive bar would be exactly on the strip ... this happy little respite earned its way into my heart a while back and I doubt it will ever leave me.
When you pull up you will not see the name of the place ... just a sign proudly declaring it the "Happiest Place on Earth". Ignore that fear gripping the pit of your stomach. Allow your inner Andy Dufresne to beckon, "if you've come this far maybe you'll come a little further".
Light does not penetrate the Pandora's Box which is the Double Down. Its painted black walls are adorned with a cacaphony of memorabelia which one imagines have been traded for a shot of the hard stuff. When I first sat down I had two thoughts:
"I hope I don't stick to anything."
AND
"Any place that has a sign reading 'I love Mormon Pussy' is my kind of place."
In the Double Down you may find yourself chatting with off-work strippers, bikers, slumming tv gameshow hosts, junkies, tourists, or any of the other of the worst sort.
Order up a shot of ass juice. The brownish liquid is a mix of a variety of whatever sweet liquors which can be found behind the bar and imbibing it is actually a delightful experience. After 2 shots of the ass get yourself a bacon martini. Yes, you heard me ... a bacon martini. Personally, I choked and sputtered through mine (did I mention that they sell puke insurance). My advice is after a few sips ask the bartender to turn it into a Bloody Mary ... a bacon martini can be converted into the BEST Bloody Mary.
In the end the most important part of visiting this bar is setting a limit for yourself. Time will fade away while you're here.
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