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  • ME: I'll have the veggie omelet. Friend: I'll have the american breakfast, eggs over easy with bacon. ME: And coffee. Friend: Yes. Coffee. Old Russian Waitress: Ok. You tell me what I can do for you, how I can help you. Ok? US: Ok. Friend: Hungry. So hungry. ME: Hungry. You wore me out. Friend: YOU wore me out. ME: Oh. Right. I just layed there. Friend: Yeah you did. Lazy bitch. ME: Fuck you. Friend: I did. ME: .........Look at that - those people next to us that got here after us ordered the exact same thing we did. Friend: What are the fucking chances of that happening? *Waitress arrives with our plates. Scrambled eggs for him, pancakes for me* ME: This isn't our food. That's our food. They are eating our food. Friend: That mother fucker is eating my eggs! ME: How the fuck is my veggie omelet the same as pancakes? Friend: Those are my fucking eggs. Waitress: Ok. I am so sorry for this for you. I go get new plate. Ok. ME: LEAVE THE TOAST. Friend: How the fuck are you going to sit there and eat my eggs like that? ME: Eat your toast baby. Friend: That mother fucker is just eating the fuck out of MY FOOD. *****SIX HOURS LATER****** Friend: That mother fucker ate my eggs! He just ATE them. Fuck.
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