ME: I'll have the veggie omelet.
Friend: I'll have the american breakfast, eggs over easy with bacon.
ME: And coffee.
Friend: Yes. Coffee.
Old Russian Waitress: Ok. You tell me what I can do for you, how I can help you. Ok?
US: Ok.
Friend: Hungry. So hungry.
ME: Hungry. You wore me out.
Friend: YOU wore me out.
ME: Oh. Right. I just layed there.
Friend: Yeah you did. Lazy bitch.
ME: Fuck you.
Friend: I did.
ME: .........Look at that - those people next to us that got here after us ordered the exact same thing we did.
Friend: What are the fucking chances of that happening?
*Waitress arrives with our plates. Scrambled eggs for him, pancakes for me*
ME: This isn't our food. That's our food. They are eating our food.
Friend: That mother fucker is eating my eggs!
ME: How the fuck is my veggie omelet the same as pancakes?
Friend: Those are my fucking eggs.
Waitress: Ok. I am so sorry for this for you. I go get new plate. Ok.
ME: LEAVE THE TOAST.
Friend: How the fuck are you going to sit there and eat my eggs like that?
ME: Eat your toast baby.
Friend: That mother fucker is just eating the fuck out of MY FOOD.
*****SIX HOURS LATER******
Friend: That mother fucker ate my eggs! He just ATE them. Fuck.