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  • "Then the snow started falling "We were stuck out in your car" -----------------------------------------­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­------------------- Quick Review™ + Convenient location downtown in the mall that they aim to treat us like fools by calling a park (misnomer). + They probably get zero violation, zero demerit routine inspections from SNHD being that they are dealing with ice and frozen shit that is already factory wrapped. - Shave ice sucks hairy balls. -----------------------------------------­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­------------------- Nah. Nah. Nah. I am now going to quote a great thinker, because sometimes it has already been said best: (And this is from memory so it could be slightly misquoted ...)(Don't care.) "There is an old saying from Tennessee. It could be from Texas. Fool me once ... shame on ... me. Fool me twice ... shame on ... me? Uh ... if you get fooled once ya can't get fooled again!" (*nervously chuckles) Many would recall that it was the most powerful man in the world at the time who uttered that. Boy was that idiot something else. (The Dixie Chicks were right.) -----------------------------------------­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­------------------- Shave Ice I tried shave ice here. It was 5$ (4.99 to be precise). And it was worth about 2$ really. Max. Honestly, that would be pushing it. They don't even have coconut. How ... in ... the ... fuck! They should be paying me to eat this shit. No coconut! No coconut? No fucking coconut! Is this real life? Well ... is it? No coconut? Shave ice ... and ... no coconut? No coconut! I should have just one-starred them then and there and never set foot anywhere near that metal box again. -----------------------------------------­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­------------------- However -- I return -- because, I am not as brilliant as Dumbya and apparently can be fooled again. (He went to Yale, you know. And Harvard!) Shave Ice Redux I ask how I can get coconut on the shave ice ... (at the time I imagine ordering supplies from Hawai'i and then carrying them in my satchel, ordering ice without any fucking flavour, and then sitting in one of those tables outside next to all the annoying children and pouring the goddamn coconut myself) ... and they explain to me that it could be via some other cream or something -- I don't know (I am not even drunk; these people ...) -- it is perplexing because anyone can go to Smart & Final® and buy the damn coconut syrup. I say sure. Whatever. Not what I expected. Maybe I am just far too accustomed to the traditional Hawai'ian shave ice. I get the biggest cup and a paleta and it comes out to 10$. Worth 5$ max. Maybe 5.50$, on account of the high rent paid to the Cult Leader and all. -----------------------------------------­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­------------------- Shave Ice 3.0 Perhaps I should look up the revised definition for masochist whenever the new DSM is published because I am thinking about going again. Maybe make it a hat trick and all so I can pull out the mighty one-star and a lot more expletives* in a revised review a year from today. *This ain't Temple; go read any number of the countless glowing reviews for your regular Pollyanna takes on shitty shave ice. Fuck this place. -----------------------------------------­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­------------------- Epilogue I don't play games when it comes to shave ice. I did not live in Hawai'i for longer than 95% of the useless carpetbaggers end up staying in this town for nothing. Do it right or don't do it at all. Get some goddamn coconut .... -----------------------------------------­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­------------------- Rating: Two-stars, "Meh. I've experienced better." (And 2s because I am truly a really nice guy. I should have one-starred this establishment.)
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