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  • The food here at Essence is really good. It really is. BUT, they're not only not open on Sundays (they serve breakfast for the love of god!) but the service is consistently just the worst goddamn thing in the world. Each time I go there, I say it's my last time and this time I think it really is. I don't know. Fuckin' place always draws me back in because Tempe only has like three places to get breakfast, it's silly. Anyway, I got the "big" breakfast, which cost as much as any normal thing called a big breakfast would, but the portions given to the namesake were a total joke. Lil' potato cake thing, lil' pieces o' bread, lil' thingy of mushrooms. It's cute. It wants so badly to be big. Anyway, I didn't get the vegetarian version and I noticed that it was missing sausage. I brought it up and the food server was like oh man, sorry about that, it'll be right out. I ended up eating my entire breakfast while waiting for my sausage. I waited and waited before I finally went inside to inquire and before I even said one word, before my dumb mouth even opened to speak, everyone working behind the counter, three people, frantically said, "It's coming right OUT, sir!" Like I'm being fucking unreasonable. Sure. How demeaning is that, to be treated like I'm some cheapskate fatfuck for wanting something I already paid for? The sausage came like ten minutes, literally, after that. I wanted to hit the road. But, it was super delicious. There was a dude sitting next to us outside and the chick food server he had was treating him like total shit. He didn't seem to mind, but I overheard her really patronizing him when he asked if he could have a thing of toast, "Uh, well sir, if you wanted toast that's something you would've ordered beforehand. It's NOT free." She said it so shitty, like responding to a pervert who asked her if she shaved her privates. He said he'd pay for it, no big deal. Dude, that guy ordered a lot of food and probably racked up a decent bill. Bring him some toast, you cheap bastards. Essence is always packed, hot, loud and stupid.
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