This wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be, and that is saying something.
For some reason, I found my ass at Denny's. Yes, there are plenty of other places to go, but when visiting older relatives, Denny's seems to be the equivalent to crack. For breakfast, you will have many cheap options that will fill your belly. For lunch or dinner, I would ask that you find something else. ANYTHING else.
The shocking thing was it was gratifying to pay $5 for breakfast that seemed to complete it's requirements just as well as one of those fancy hipster brunch places. But because I am a fancy hipster brunch person at heart, I'll probably be spending $15 for breakfast in the near future.