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| - Let's cut the to chase, Boogie Burgers has legitimately amazing burgers. My final score is a 4, so those with the attention of a ferret on a double expresso in front of a McDonalds salad bar can move on while I rant about how this location is a foodie paradise in disguise, and that anyone that thumbs their nose at Boogie Burgers is an uncultured barbarian. Because don't let the fact that the bathroom smells like a skunk died in the septic tank of slaughterhouse fool you. Don't be confused by the retro 80's arcade machines or the colorful chairs lifted from a foreclosed elementary school, this place is foodie heaven.
Here's where readers are obviously confused--a lot of people's assumptions regarding foodies are endorsed by that asinine Boston Pizza commercial from a few years ago, the image of conceited, self-absorbed, judgmental, verbose (hey!), and condescending trend-groupies. You know, people with food blogs (cough), vegans who explain to everyone why they're vegan, people who constantly drop names of great chefs they know like Ryan Cyre, Wayne Kitchen, or Vikram Vij, people who boast about their eating habits and share every meal on Instagram. All they care about is rambling on and on in a masturbatory prose about various culinary techniques and flavor profiles.
Totally not me (maybe a little); I don't write that way for one--I just attempt to entertain as well as educate. And a true foodie is one that enjoys food. That's it; that's all there is. Just enjoy food. We need food like we need air, but there's no reason why we can't appreciate the experience. My friend thought that after three days of sushi, tapas, and Brazilians barbecue (where food is delivered via sword), that I would turn my nose up at the idea of a great burger spot. The point is, a burger can be amazing. It doesn't require truffle mayonnaise or bison meat, and it doesn't need to be delivered on the back of a mule towed by Juan Valdez to be good. The greatest meals I've ever had were simple, not requiring foreign ingredients or molecular gastronomy. Invest your passion in scrambled eggs and I'll extol said qualities to the sub-200 followers I have on Tumblr.
And I'm confused by images of a brawny muscle-woman and Michael Jackson on the bathroom doors. Which one do I use? There's also a picture of a toilet over the actual toilet as well as a framed painting customers are apparently welcome to deface. The menu features a caricature of a slightly redacted Ronald McDonald fleeing from Boogie Burgers' iconic all-star--the "Fear the Reaper", four beef patties, four slices of bacon, a fried egg, two slices of cheddar, a 100% all-beef wiener with all the toppings and skewered with a corndog.
Holy Mary mother of God.
Don't look at me; I didn't order that. I have some dignity, thank you very much, a small measure of self-respect.
I ordered the Red Dawg Clogger with a Cookie Monster milkshake.
What? It was on special.
That wasn't even all of it, fringing those blubber-factories was the basic Fay's Burger and a bowl of spicy fries. The prices were insanely low, but I really should have exercised some measure of restraint. Said burgers were delivered on a basic checkerboard butcher paper and stabbed aggressively through the top by a steak knife, like the meal had to be killed before being served. And as stated at the beginning, they were amazing. The staff were efficient and agreeable, and given the impressive crowds cramming it at lunch time, calm and professional. Of course, this is nothing new. Boogie Burgers has amassed considerable popularity before I came around, claiming it an institution, a landmark even. It's garnered attention in various media, so I'm not lending much weight in this campaign. I'm just confirming the apparent obvious. It's not pretty; it's most definitely rough around the edges, and it just might have some of the best burgers that don't require taking a mortgage out on my house.
Yes, it's a foodie destination, just like those places where every employee looks like a hobo from the 1930s, places with the words "brick", "oak", "rustic", or "gastro" in its name. It's worthy of visit, just...avoid the bathroom.
Food: 5/5
Service: 4/5
Presentation: 3/5
Value: 5/5
Recommendation: 4/5
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