My wife and I split a beef and cheddar that did us in something fierce. We ate around 8pm and the stomach pains started around 2am. I was awakened by the pain of my butthole being burned by the escaping fumes of your caustic cheese fermenting inside my gut. That's about the time my wife woke up. She was in so much pain she tried to army crawl to the bathroom, sensing she was in trouble I grabbed her ankles and wheel barrowed her to the guest bathroom as fast as I could with a flambe'd cheerio . I then turned for the master bathroom where I spent most the night. I curled around the toilet on the nice cool linoleum floor and sucked on a wet wipe for sustenance. I tried going to work this morning but puked and got sent home. You owe me a work day and 2 new buttholes.