Haunted hay rides. Factories of terror. Faces of Death. Walking in on your elderly relative perched on the John. They all fall short of instilling the type of indelible fear The Scarehouse makes its business to provide.
Parking is a flashlight directed breeze and you'll save a few hours by purchasing a front of the line pass.
What you'll be undergoing is the best scripted and gleefully terrifying experience eva.
You're involved from the get-go. Suckers in line have their ankles threatened or cautiously turn around to meet grotesque figures breathing down their necks.
And inside, a true shop of horrors waits.
You'll circumnavigate dark winding hallways with a new fright around every corner. You'll find yourself staring at figures to determine whether they're real or not, only to have them come to life and deliver something approaching cardiac arrest.
Crazed Go-Go girls dance about on raised platforms as you try to walk across a shifting bridge while wearing the equivalent of LSD goggles. Neon, strobes, bright flashes, ground movement and a discombobulating walk are accompanied by ubiquitous shrieks, knocks and sinister laughing.
And zombie lovers will not be disappointed. The Scarehouse employs both varieties: The quick moving 28 Days Later type and Night of the Living Dead sort both make impressive cameos.
So if you have health insurance and are around Pittsburgh during Halloween, do your cardiologist a favor and come to The Scarehouse.