| rev:text
| - God bless my Tempe Tour Guide. Wise beyond her years, leading my lost soul to caffeinated salvation.
BACKGROUND
---------------------
One fine Sunday afternoon, as my Southwest flight made its descent into Sky Harbor, Eba Cafe suddenly popped into my head. Why, I don't know.
But Boba.
I had to have it.
As I stepped into my dusty car sitting in the Gecko parking lot, I made a quick call to Tempe for some tapioca companionship, and I was well on my way.
But as luck would have it, Eba's closed on Sunday. Seeing the dejection seared across my face, my Tempe Tour Guide suggested that we should take a walk. Outdoors. In the neighborhood. Because people do that sometimes.
And so we strolled and enjoyed the cool breeze, noticing quirky 100 year-old houses and hastily discarded CRT monitors, before finding ourselves at the entrance of one Cartel Coffee Lab.
THE SETTING
-------------------
Very unassuming from the outside, Cartel is a dimly-lit world of wonder indoors.
Industrial garage-type setting with art all over the walls, plus tables, couches and hipster college kids tapping away on a mishmash of Apple-branded products. A roaster with bags of beans for sale in the back, and the Clover coffee machine to the side. Music is as is assumed: Death Cab and various Pandora-mates.
My Guide is all in the know about Cartel, but declares me a newbie and the barista kindly asks me if I want to hear The Shpeal. I say "sure" and she talks about how Cartel is about quality product and the mastery of roasting and brewing the best espresso and coffee. A few of the Cartel baristas had gone on to win the Southwest Regional Barista Championships, but instead of resting on their laurels, they're constantly looking to excel in what they do. She also highlighted the Clover machine which brews a single cup of coffee at a time for maximum quality.
I was pretty impressed by The Shpeal, I will admit. But now it was time to judge the actual product.
THE PRODUCT
----------------------
So, as one who sadly became averse a few years ago to having real cappuccinos unless I planned on staying near a bathroom for the rest of the day, I've gotten used to drinking a lot of black coffee. And as Starbucks probably makes the worst drip coffee known to man, I was looking forward to trying the Clover machine's output. But then the barista threw me a curve ball.
"You know, it's hot outside. Do you want to try our Espresso Excelente? It's iced! And it's pretty damn tasty."
"Uh, what is it?"
"Espresso, combined with our own horchata, cream, and a dash of cinnamon."
"I'm not a big froufy coffee-drink person, and I was looking forward to just a plain cup of coffee, but now you've made me curious. And it is hot outside. Except I have this lactose thing, so I guess I can't have it. Doh."
"Doh yourself. We have soy cream we can use instead."
"Sold!"
VERDICT
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Incredible. And not just because Cartel has Business Continuity Plans for people with lame digestive tracts. Whoever came up with the horchata-espresso idea is a genius. All the flavors in my cup were perfectly balanced, and there was absolutely no bitterness in the espresso. This barista knew what she was doing, delivering me one of the best espresso drinks I've had in a really long time.
And my Guide, standing beside me, looks at me and smiles in a Zen sort of way. Omnipotent, and serene. I told you she was wise.
FIVE STARS, MR. K?
---------------------------------
Eba what? Who gives a flying hootenanny about tapioca. Cartel is where it's at, because my drink was that excellent.
Which causes a conundrum, obviously, because I may have to re-rank every other coffeehouse in town accordingly. These guys are leagues ahead.
However, to be fair, I'll probably update this review on future trips when I try three more of my regular drinks:
* a plain cup of coffee
* an Americano
* a soy latte (probably the hardest drink for any coffeehouse to do really well)
Given how serious they take their craft, though, I'm sure each will be exceptional.
I also give props to zero attitude from the staff. They definitely have the potential to be all about their own uber-barista glory, and silently tell non-hip looking customers like me to stuff it, but they're far from it.
SYNOPSIS
---------------
Cartel Coffee Lab = Perfect independent free WiFi Tempe coffeehouse. Strongly recommended for coffee purists who enjoy true quality drinks . No run of the mill Starbucks crap here. And as the weather continues to heat up, I have a feeling the iced Espresso Excelente is going to be pretty damn popular.
Also, my Tempe Tour Guide is full of wise and awesome.
-fin-
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