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| - I've watched all those shows on the Travel Channel. "Vegas AFTER DARK!" "Vegas: A VIP Tour!" "Vegas Gives You a Handjob and then Bakes You Cookies (But Only After Vegas Washes Its Hands First.)" It all looks so glamorous, so sparkly. Neon dreams washing over doe-eyed faces; the visuals alone are worth the price of admission.
What no one ever mentions, though, are....the smells. Perfume, cigarettes, urine, Axe Body Spray, cigarettes...um, what is that? Chinese food? Oh, and the cigarettes. Each hotel and casino has its own scent, depending on its age and clientele. Binions, downtown, smelled of menthols and Ben Gay. Traces of suntan lotion, Axe Body Spray and Pall Malls wafted through the Excalibur while the Imperial Palace reeked of Virginia Slims and despair.
This brings me to the Monte Carlo. The Monte Carlo is a middle-range hotel, by Strip standards. While not as dismal as that time I stayed at The IP (Room 13, natch), it's not as high-end as Aria or the Bellagio or wherever George Clooney goes to get his penis washed. However, Monte Carlo's location is nice. It's centrally located (relatively speaking) and the free tram to Aria and the Bellagio is a big help for weary footsies.
And the smell? It was somewhere between Windex and Marlboro Reds. Actually, no. It leaned more towards the Marlboro Reds, especially in my room. Yeah, we requested a non-smoking room, but it still smelled like 1967 in there. We should've immediately requested another room, but after quickly dropping off our bags and then going full tilt that first day, it wasn't until the Day One Vegas buzz wore off that we noticed that we had just bunked up Joe Camel's asshole. The smoke permeated everything, from the sheets to the towels.
We lived with it. The wife scored a candle from a friend and that helped.
Other than that, the room was ok. It was nothing special, but nothing horrible either. The wave pool was empty, which disappointed us a bit. The "lazy river" looked uninspired from our perch waiting for the Bellagio tram, though admittedly, we didn't look closer than that. The check-in clerk was adorably perky and helpful. The price wasn't bad either. Oh and I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the showerhead. That thing was like being pressure washed every morning which, for most people vacationing in Las Vegas, is probably necessary. It sounds like I'm complaining about the showerhead, but I'm not. The showerhead was easily one of my top three favorite things about Las Vegas and that includes my outrageously expensive meal at Jose Andres' e'. In all, I would've given the Monte Carlo 4 stars were it but for the smoke.
Damn you, you smokers. This is why we can't have nice things.
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