| rev:text
| - Aunt Jemima and Colonel Sanders surely turn in their otherwise peaceful graves each passing day that lolo's chicken and waffle shack remains open.
Not since Bernie Maddoff convinced millionaire investors to dole out their life savings has this type of massive Ponzi scheme gone unnoticed and even celebrated by so many blindly dolling out dollars based on a completely fabricated reputation. Truth be told I'd rather donate money to Maddoff than spend another dime at this chicken chopshop.
With that rant off my chest I will begin the tale of my misfortunes at lolo's...
Being a white, upwardly mobile slapdick professional I have admittedly limited notions of culture but nonetheless always liked the idea of visiting a chicken and Waffle House like the ones us fat Americans like to watch as they're glorified on food porn shows like "diners and drives."
Hence, I was really looking forward to interrupting the moments of quiet desperation that occupy the majority of my existence so that I may stuff my fat face with some really awesome chicken and waffles! Too much to ask? I think not!
I strolled into this dump with my buddy lulu (no relation to Lolo) who I convinced to come with me because of all the great reviews left by Yelptard nation (I still love you yelptards). We showed up at 3pm--strategically halfway between peak times at the trough. Hoping to really dive in balls deep, we plopped down at the bar.
5 minutes later we were finally greeted and ordered some overpriced jars of "blue drank". I love lil Wayne but this stuff was horrible--tasted like the bastard children of the kool aide man raping a gaggle of blue otter pops--stirred gently with a homeless man's jock strap.
That said, I was still happy to remain open minded. I then had the blind audacity to order....wait for it....chicken and waffles (side of Mac and cheese). Only An idiot like me would again assume this was the wise thing to order when both items are included in the restaurants namesake.
35 long minutes and several inquiries into the whereabouts of our order later, our food finally emerged from the Awkwardly small food expeditor window opposite the bar.
Underwhelming would be an understatement to describe my emotions as I took in the plate of food set in front of me nearly an hour after being seated. It appeared deep fried pigeon parts had been mistakingly places in the stead of chicken while a flat, leggo my flaccid Eggo reject of a waffle occupied the other part of my plate.
Still, blind optimism and the faith in Yelptard reviews kept me positive as I reached for a fork and lifted a few loads of Mac and cheese above my three chins and into my pie hole. I reached for the jar of blue drank and mentally weighed the options of my new catch 22...I could chase the crap n cheese with blue drank--chasing one poison with another AND run the risk of looking like I just blew papa smirf....OR I could swallow my Mac n cheese along with my own pride and hope that the chicken and waffles redeemed the sins of my beverage and side order selections. I chose the latter.
Rather than hearing angels sing or feeling the welcome back embrace of smiling food Gods however, I tumbled deeper into the pits of culinary hell as I tasted the critically acclaimed chicken and waffles. In short, they sucked.
The next question a diner asks themselves is whether or not to speak up....I shamefully struggled with this is the same manner than I'm sure the aforementioned raped otter pops struggled with whether or not to report their sexual violation by the big jug of talking kool aide that seemed so harmless and like-able....
I decided to do the right thing and report the wrong doing. I requested to speak to the manager....again, lolo's failed to deliver. The assistant manger finally came over.
I rarely complain in real life, in person at a restaurant or even on the hallowed pages of yelp but when I do, I attempt to do so with as much tact as possible to give folks the chance to make things right. Imagine my fury then when this assistant manager deliberately addressed my feedback in a very quiet mouse fart quiet voice in an obvious attempt to conceal reality from the other F-tard diners present.
While he acknowledged that the chicken was a little off he refused to address the undercooked waffle and instead of offering to replace the food, he graciously removed the blue drank from our bill.
Thanks for nothing!
#overpriced
#overhyped
#underdelivered
#yourmama'schickeniswaybetter
#imstillangryatmyselforeatinghere
|
![[RDF Data]](/fct/images/sw-rdf-blue.png)
![[cxml]](/fct/images/cxml_doc.png)
![[csv]](/fct/images/csv_doc.png)
![[text]](/fct/images/ntriples_doc.png)
![[turtle]](/fct/images/n3turtle_doc.png)
![[ld+json]](/fct/images/jsonld_doc.png)
![[rdf+json]](/fct/images/json_doc.png)
![[rdf+xml]](/fct/images/xml_doc.png)
![[atom+xml]](/fct/images/atom_doc.png)
![[html]](/fct/images/html_doc.png)