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| - Ah, the old standby of my youth. All good Asians flock to TAO to get their drink on. Like moths to a flame, gaggles of raven-haired ladies wearing Gucci & DG bling wait behind the velvet rope while guys with silk-collared shirts & gelled up do's burn out the batteries on their cell phones near the escalators, trying to get some hook up from "their friend who knows a guy who's married to the sister-in-law of one of the brothers of the club manager at TAO". And that's cuz, none of them are on "the list".
[Locals - feel free to take this moment in the review to laugh & point at the noobs.]
Let's get this one out of the way:
-- GIRLS: Call 702-234-9380 for guest list access for your group. 4-to-1 girl to guy ratio.
-- GUYS: $100 will get you & a friend in the guest list line through a bouncer, but the problem will be initially getting a bouncer's attention.
...if you wait in line, cover's $30. Good luck getting in before sun up.
Here's everything you need to know about Tao:
1) TAO REALLY IS A BUDDHIST TEMPLE
No joke. It's true. The club owners moved an actual Buddhist temple across the Pacific block-by-block to create Tao. So in a feat of incredible irony, a religion founded upon peace, minimalism and freedom-from-desire is playing host to one of the most chaotic, hedonistic, sin-charged clubs in Vegas. And a really lousy, price-gouging, American-bastardized sushi restaurant at that. But never mind that. Party on, bitches... and pass the "Philadelphia Roll"!
2) SERIOUSLY, WHY THE @#$% ARE YOU HERE?
You really need to ask yourself this question. Is it to hook up? Is it to dance? Is it to see & be seen? Is it to hang out with your friends?
-- GUYS: If your answer is anything other than "TO BLOW HUGE ASSWADS OF CASH ON ALCOHOL THAT'S BEING SERVED FOR FREE IN THE CASINO" then you're probably better off getting' your rocks off elsewhere. Sorry blue balls.
-- GIRLS: If your answer is anything other than "TO BE SO CLOSE TO OTHER PEOPLE ON THE DANCE FLOOR THAT I MIGHT POTENTIALLY GET MY ASS GROPED BY A GUY WHO COULDN'T AFFORD BOTTLE SERVICE" then you're probably in for a real treat! Good times, chica!
3) THE DANCING... WILL SUCK.
Movement will be minimal here - bank on it. You will be asscheek-to-asscheek from velvet rope to balcony spilling your drink all along the way, and if it's not, it means you're there on either vinyl or industry night (Wed/Thur) when the music is going to suck. Friday has more current stuff versus Saturday which has classics... but it doesn't matter because there's no room to move to the beat anyway.
4) THE BAR... WILL SUCK.
The house vodka is Skyy, which is utter swill. Order something decent like Chopin or Belvedere and you're lookin' at a 10 minute wait. And there is so much chaos that no bartender will remember your tip - even if it's bigger than what you tipped to get past the velvet rope in the first place.
5) GUYS? BOTTLE SERVICE.
I hate to say it, but at this club: No bottle service, no play. Women have the curves, men have the coin. That's the law of nature. And the "coin" equates to 4 people per bottle, 1 bottle an hour, minimum $350 per bottle not including tip. Pick your poison. Got that? And it needs to be reserved in advance - call 702-343-1422 for reservations. If you can't swing at least $350, start steppin'.
6) GIRLS? GOOD LUCK.
There's lousy dancing. It's hotter than a camel's armpit in the Sahara. You're probably gonna get groped. No one's gonna see your hotness in this light. And if you're lookin' for that glimmer of hope that you might run into a sugar daddy here to take care of you, good frickin' luck. This isn't a place where roller's hang for the most part: All of them graduated to PURE or Ultralounges - and that includes the ones with yellow fever. Sorry ladies.
CONCLUSION:
Don't get me wrong: This is a really HOT-lookin' crowd and that makes up for a lot when you're young and stupid. Dress to impress, party people. Guys - if you've got the cash to blow, great. I'm glad you sold all that Goldman Sachs stock short. I also hope you're either Asian or you've got the yellow fever because that's what you're gonna see. Girls - if you really wanna have fun, not to mention a place to sit and kick off the Jimmy Choos, I hope you know some of those guys that shorted that Goldman Sachs stock. Otherwise it's gonna be a long tough night for both of you.
If you're a guy with cash or hookup, or you're a girl with decent hotness or a Goldman Sachs boytoy...
4-Stars.
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A NOTE ABOUT MAKING RESERVATIONS:
If either you girls or guys are making group reservations or bottle service reservations respectively using the phone numbers above, you can use the same number for LAVO reservations as well. Both clubs are managed by the same folks and use the same reservation systems.
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