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| - I am just rambling thoughts off the top of my head as I just booked a couple more trips to Vegas at the end of April and then the end of September. This is just my 20 year review of Vegas in general. I started going to Vegas right out of college with a couple of my best friends/Frat brothers.....we all lived 1,000 miles apart and figured this was the best location to meet annually and blow it out. Keep in mind the gods of Vegas have been cruel to my generation....when the three of us first went we were 22 and that was at the end of the "old Vegas"....the Dunes, Sands, Stardust, Frontier etc were all their and the Mirage was the first "billion dollar" hotel to be built and just opened. Our timing was off, we were all single, my buddies still had hair.....but we were clearly 30 years younger than anyone...there were no hopping night clubs nothing just gambling, shows and drinking....I remember leaving Slots a Fun one night with two beers in my hand walking down the middle of the strip in the street on the way back to the Flaming (which was very classy at that time) and a bicycle cop riding next to me asking me if I "was having a great time".....I replied back "yes sir, everyone's a fucking winner in vegas"...he just laughed and told me that he was glad I was having a great time and that he better not find my bottles in the street and told me to carry on. The nightmare begins a few years later when MTV does a "Vegas Spring Break" and everything changed....unfortunately in those few years my buddies and I had all gotten married and now Vegas was still the annual event, but filled with hotties from all over the place (we could look but not touch dammit)....we still bitch about how come this did not happen in 91 when we got out of college? Oh well life can be the ultimate kick in the balls now can't it. Next what I call the ultimate fiasco begins.......trying to turn Vegas into an ultimate "family" vacation spot...thank God that experiment did not take off, there is nothing like drinking and gambling for 19 hours and walking along the strip and seeing some dehyrdated infant passed out in a baby stroller just so Mommy and Daddy can see the fountains of Bellagio at 2 in the morning.....no offense to parents, keep your kids out of Vegas, keep them out of the casino.....the last thing I want or need to see is this when I am there to relax, lose money and kick the shit out of my body a few times a year. Another fond memory is having a hooker chase me down the street at 700 am in the morning in front of the rush hour to work traffic because she approached me and I told her "you could not afford me", she called me a "MotherFucker" and said she would kill me and proceeded to chase me down the street (between the laughing, nearly pissing my pants and telling myself I gotta quit smoking and drinking)...all I could hear were cars honking, people laughing and my buddies egging her on.. or the time one of my buddies "sharted" in his shorts about 2 Vegas blocks from the hotel...I never saw anyone in khaki shorts walk roughly a mile or so with their butt cheeks clenched so hard............the best part of that is once we did get to our room, him coming out of the bathroom and throwing his underwear off the balcony and they landed perfectly laid out on the street below.........I am sure some bum thought he hit it big until he tried the pair on. He then spent the next two days trying to think of excuses when his wife asks "how come you are missing a pair of underwear?" Another poor bastard who has to take inventory before being allowed to go to Vegas....and now I am the anti-christ because I am the only divorced guy of the lot now......not even sure why I posted this....guess was just looking back at some of the fun times and the things that irritate me.........still not sure how I feel after all these years of the "clicking card porn show" at every corner......but now that I believe my tax dollars are going to provide them free health care to them and their seventy five kids....I need the escape and vacation........I think I just came up with a million dollar idea.......about Vegas.........the moral of the story is, no kids, no thank you to the empty clubs begging for me to come in their club when a few years ago they would have made me stand in line for hours because I was a thirty something with two bald married guys......instead of some "X'd" up hottie on my arm..........I am happy to see Vegas getting back to "adults only fun" though..........more hangover and less Disney thank you :)
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