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| - Rex is not a man of compromise. It isn't to say that Rex hasn't tried. Rex has. Don't believe Rex? Calling Rex a liar? Rex only lies before sex. Still not satisfied? Demanding proof? Smart. Very smart. Rex does the same thing, and since DNA is only 99.99999% accurate Rex still has no official heirs to his empire. 314 wins and no defeats. Rex is good. Enough bragging...proof you want...proof you shall have. Compromise number 1. In Singapore Rex wanted to cut off Michael Fay's hands and sew them to his knees. The government wanted to let him go. We compromised. Rex caned that little punk...and kicked him while he was on the ground crying. Compromise number 2. Rex wanted Mr. Rodgers to completely strip down and put on an entirely new outfit. The prudes at PBS said that he shouldn't disrobe at all for a kids show. We compromised. Rex recommended shoes and sweater...a star was born. Last compromise. When working as a legislator in a southern state many of my constituents wanted to pass a law that allowed them to marry their daughters...no matter how young or old. Rex wanted to castrate all of them and throw their penises in a raging fire so they can never be used again. We compromised. Now in virtually every southern state you can marry your cousin at a very young age. Rex can and WILL compromise.
Once again Rex compromised. A person who dares to call himself a friend (Rex calls him an agent of the government sent to watch over him) suggested that we go to Round Table Pizza. Rex suggested that he lay down in traffic and wait for the pain to end. We compromised. Rex was able to huff gas right out of his tank, he paid, and Rex ate.
When you first enter Round Table Pizza the smell is surprisingly good. Almost like good pizza. Rex and his governmental guardian got the all you can eat and drink (soda not beer or ammonia, you can't even drink your own ammonia) and settled down for our feast. They give you two plates. One for the salad bar the second for the pizza. The booths are uncomfortable and tight. Every gentleman knows that the first course is the salad course. Rex walked over to the salad bar and it was just all right. Nothing wrong with it. Nothing wonderful. Nothing memorable. They had very good shredded cheese and excellent real bacon. Four or five dressings. Some other toppings. Not bad. Rex sits down, clears his throat for eight or nine minutes, blows two snot rockets and is ready to eat. As expected the salad was okay. It wasn't offensive and for the price Rex didn't pay, it was better than some salad bars for more money...and they don't have pizza. The ranch dressing was above average. Not a bad start.
Rex reluctantly walked up to the pizza window. There were two freshly baked pizzas and one that looked like it was made the year Betty White lost her virginity. Rex took a few slices and sat down fully prepared to raise hell. Sadly, Rex was not totally correct in his assumption. The pizza while not great pizza, and if you made it in New York City someone would have you killed, wasn't horrible. The first slice was a white chicken pizza with jalapenos. Shockingly good. Rex was stunned. The second slice was a standard pepperoni and sausage with red sauce. This is where the wheels start to fall off. The red sauce is not good. It tastes like canned sauce you get on sale for 50 cents at some discount food store. It had no real taste except for dried herbs and a little acidity. The sausage was dreadful. No taste except for pepper and the pepperoni was bland. Rex was unhappy, so he spit that crap onto the floor and went up for a couple more slices. The white pizza with chicken, bacon and tomatoes was very good and the mushroom pizza with red sauce was dreadful. Over cooked mushrooms, no flavor.
The one thing that should be said is that Rex has a huge Johnson. The other thing that should be said is that the crust is surprisingly good. It is very buttery/oily but in a good way. It gets crispy and has a decent taste.
Round Table Pizza is exactly what it should be. It is a low cost option for people who don't know or can afford a good pizza. It is quick, easy, and cheap. The food isn't great, but it really isn't offensive either. If you haven't lived in the Northeast of the United States you have no clue what good pizza is anyway, so why spend more money on what is sure to be crap? Get a salad, a drink and some pizza that is slightly better than frozen pizza for under 10 bucks. Fill your faces...nothing will make you forget Rex. Nothing will ever make that DNA test will never be 100% accurate. Hear the kid screaming? Hear Rex running? Of course you don't...Rex is long gone.
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