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| - Are you an undergrad? Then 5 Yelp stars, bro!! Bro, seriously. $10 all-you-can drink OJ & champagne!!! Hell yeah cocktails on tap, like they're beer! Plus, they're so sweet, it doesn't even taste like you're drinking alcohol LOL. But don't even bother with those cause we're ALL getting refills on our mimosas poured out of silver pitchers. We can get EVERYONE in a booth & then split the check 8 ways. Selfie cause we're so fng fancy right now. OMG load that flute up again, son, cause it's bottomless.
Now, are you 5 years into your mortgage just trying escape the worst for a moment before you have to go back to work on Monday but you can't taste the life-giving whiskey in this whiskey smash because all you taste is sugar and ice and how can they get 8 people in a booth comfortably when 6 of us with real adult anatomic proportions and not adolescent Bieber abs have to sit with one cheek off the seat and STOP TOUCHING MY LEG! No, I don't want to make my own Bloody Mary, I can do that at home. Wait, you won't let me get a delicious milkshake because I can barely button these shorts that fit fine last year, but you can get one?! Can I taste it? Oh god it's so good and tastes just like a campfire marshmallow. Hey, this spicy breakfast sandwich isn't half bad. Your burger isn't that good? Then let's get a bottomless mimosa to wash the bad taste out of our mouths and ultimately our souls. Wooohoooo!
3 stars.
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