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  • Good God, this place was really, really bad. Not bad in a good way, not greasy but delicious bad, but really, really amazingly bad. I had read online these amazing reviews about the Chino, so there I was today, an internet lemming heading up to Moon Valley to try it out. I shop at Wal-Mart on Thomas, so I'm used to scary looking people. Man, there was no preparing me for this place. Bubba and his prison pals were hanging out watching a super loud TV in the dining room, shoveling food in their mouths and yelling at their kids running around the joint in between bites of greasy food. I have to admit, watching it made me 1., wish birth control was more readily available to some people, but also 2., look forward to the sloppy congealed mess that was slapped in tinfoil plates. I appreciate sloppy and greasy food. Hell, I grew up on the stuff. Maybe it wasn't a good sign that, after paying over $10 for what looked like a tv dinner accompanied by a styrofoam soda, an employee of the Chino was smacking insects with a fly swatter on the table next to mine. But I decided that if it was good enough to be one of the top rated restaurants in Phoenix, it was good enough for me. I could not have been more wrong. I ordered the Jade Red Chicken, Jerk Chicken, Jerk Fried Rice & refried beans. The reviews I read said this was the best food north of Guadalajara and west of Shanghai. I took a bite of everything on my plate, one different serving at a time...and it was disgusting! This "food" made me think that my little brother got stoned, threw some four-day old take-out Chinese food in the microwave, threw a ton of pepper all over it and topped it off with Frito-Lay bean dip. So at this point, I'm feeling ripped off. Over ten bucks for this slop? I threw it all away and felt defeated. Never before had I ever let a meal get the best of me. And I've eaten British food, so I can tell you what crap tastes like. I took my cookie and walked out, driving up to Bell Road to McDonalds, vowing never to eat at any restaurant that that douchebag Guy Fieri has ever visited.
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