| rev:text
| - I ordered through GrubHub, and have never used this restaurant before so I thought I'd give them a try. The reviews state that the prices are on the high end, but I figured that maybe the quality would justify the price. Unfortunately, I figured incorrectly.
$17.54 for a Whole "Supreme Italian Gourmet Hoagie" and a 2lt Mt. Dew. Delivery time was acceptable - the delivery Mom showed up exactly 45 minutes after placing the order - the restaurant is located 3.9mi from my house, so I was ok with that... it's normal for delivery to take that long from anywhere in the area.
My sandwich arrived warm. It wasn't hot, but it wasn't frozen either. I'm not sure which part of the grinder was "supreme" or "gourmet" as neither the two minuscule pieces of sausage (I'm talking about 2 pieces per half that were rougly the size of #2 pencil erasers nor the 4 shreds of cheese that were buried in the crotch of the bread (by shreds, I mean those 1.25" long shreds that are used to cover pizzas impressed me very much. As for the toppings, I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that the days-old lettuce was dropped onto the grinder before it was placed in the toaster because it was limp, tasteless, and off-color. The thin tomato slices were barely orange (not even close to red) and had a bitter unripened flavor. The banana pepper pieces were of low quality - were poorly sliced, included too much endocarp - or whatever that internal ridging is, were hard (I had to spit out one because its consistency was similar to a solid slice of stem). The deli-sliced meats were fine. Not great. Not terrible. They were neither supreme nor gourmet, just fine - about the same quality I would expect from a gas station. The hoagie roll was disappointing to say the least.It was unevenly toasted, some sections were so chewy that I had to remove them from the surrounding bread with my fingers as they couldn't be chewed (and I suspect couldn't be digested). Being generous and honest here, almost 1/3 of the bun was gooey and soggy despite the pink dressing being served in a container on the side. I'm not talking damp or a bit greasy... I'm talking straight-up mush that oozed through my fingers and eventually separated itself from the rest of the roll and splattered on my plate - sending a shower of spittle everywhere.
Now, for the best part... the 2-liter of Mountain Dew? It was handed to me covered in what could best be described as dried vomit laced in 12" long brown hairs with some kitty litter intermingled for color. As I took it from the delivery Mom, I asked what it was and she said that I'd ordered it, to which I replied that I hadn't ordered it covered in what appeared to be vomit. She claimed that she didn't know what it was covered in and that "he had just put it in her car." She offered no further explanation and she made a 1/4-hearted (not even half) attempt to smear the puke making a two-finger window revealing the label.
Now, you might think that this is an exaggeration and that I'm just upset with my order. Much to the contrary... I gave this restaurant 2 stars because: for a low-quality, over-priced pizza joint with average delivery time, a pleasant delivery Mom, unspeakable soda coverings, toppings that even Subway wouldn't server, and gooey bread - the delivery Mom had a little kid in her backseat that was terrified of a raccoon that she saw near my door. Without the little girl's face and reaction to this raccoon (which I didn't see, but I believe it was there based on the look on her face), this restaurant would have received only 1 star. This review is fair and unbiased.
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