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| - UPDATE! Thanks yelp! for removing my post due to inappropriate language! I guess I could easily copy-paste my original review, but then you'd just remove it and we'd play a grand old war of circle jerking until I downed your servers from sheer tenacity. Instead I'll just replace all original "inappropriate" content with fuzzy warm words denoted by *stars* that can only be deemed vulgar if you, yourself, have a foul and filthy gutter mind.
When I pay for a hotel room in the City Centre nestled between the illustrious Aria, overly bedazzled Cosmopolitan, and elitist Crystals, I expect to be treated like a rock star. A rock star that punches theistic figures in the face from the valet garage with my *rooster*- while doing *rooster*-push-ups with my other *rooster*. As I enter the lobby, I should be slapped in the face with velvet gloves filled with *coca-cola* then smothered in DoubleD *pretty dancing girls* wearing *floss of the nethers* made of more *coca-cola* and *bicycle tassels* that spill the sweet juice of Remy Cognac.
Imagine my immense disappointment when I was met with a *fun-fun* room change instead, being downgraded from a booked City Corner Suite to a drab Regular with ABSOLUTELY NO WARNING OR DISCOUNT?! What the hell is this? Motel 6? We booked like 2 months in advance, what kind of self-respecting hotel shafts its patrons like this?
I swear to God they did this because I was dressed like a panda and knew I was heading to EDC.
"Oh those raver children! They don't have disposable income to gamble with and will probably be too cracked out to complain about us SHOVING THIS LONG BEDAZZLED GLASS *ROOSTER* UP THEIR *HAPPY HOLES*! Where would they find another hotel for their DEVIL-WORSHIP RAVE SO LATE? MUAHAHAHA!!!" (Imagined Vdara Management Thoughts)
The room itself is the only reason why I have not used my awesome yelp! powers to banish this hotel into the depths of obscurity. Yes, it was beautiful, spacious, clean, and had numerous amenities. But to be fair, this is *fun-fun* Las Vegas and should be expected unless your staying at the *fun-fun* Circus Circus.
PROTIP: Vdara lacks any form of self-parking since it is considered too elitist to have such paltry peasant-like things. You must self-park at the Aria, which is an unnecessary tangling maze of crap that forces you to wind through the entire casino (since Vdara lacks its own casino). Vdara conveniently makes up for this by having 7 valet garages so that you can easily pay $5 every time you try to leave the hotel or fetch that chapstick you forgot in the front seat.
TL;DR: Haven't you heard? It's an honor to be *happy* up the *happy-hole* by this hotel. It is a privilege to be perfectly gouged for parking.
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