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| - Dear United Airlines - in case you needed a "laugh" about yourself!
Frequently, I find myself roped into doing international assignments or at least sent to the USA. With that I consider myself a seasoned traveller that ends up in hotels and airports quite a bit (maybe not as much as your status seeking, LV luggaged, alligator shoed, bespoked cladded, mental midgets) and I think I know a few things about customer service.
I normally travel Business or First Class on your airline. It affords me the perks of a pre-flight lounge or even a destination freshen up experience. A little pampering before a grueling schedule doesn't hurt either. Most of the time, as long as the flights are "nearly" on time and connections are made within acceptable norms, things go off with a few hitches.
I understand that things happen and flights get delayed and there are issues with passengers, weather, and other unplanned occurrences. It is not that things happen, it is how you handle it.
Take my last (and maybe it will be the last) trip with you. My flight leaving from LA was late when I checked it. It was further delayed and then delayed and then again. When it finally arrived, no explanations were given, no assurances were given either to so many anxious clients. I know the air industry isn't customer friendly lately but you really should be - we do have a choice. Nonetheless, I was ushered into my comfortable seat and offered a bevy of drinks and off we went.
UHM...Houston...we got a problem! You arrived approximately 15 mins late for my connection when I was assured during check-in that I would be on time. Knew that would be a fairy tale but then again, one could wish upon the many stars that we passed by during the flight. Oh well...stuck in Houston.
Off I go to see the wizard - the wonderful wizard in passenger services (perhaps an oxymoron????) to undo the wicked spell that I am now trapped in. The wizard told me that I am being re-routed, against my will to Newark Airport - that's New Jersey! WTF? Oh..wait there is more! My next flight out will be at 5PM the next day! Really...hey...don't do me any favours. I think I better catch a bus to Toronto from there. Why the heck would I want to spend a whole day in Jersey before getting on a flight? Oh...the kicker here is that I get to have the pleasure of paying for my own accommodations and all the meals! Nice!!!
I pouted and held my breath until I turned purple - maybe UA Blue! Actually, I calmly asked your CSR, what are the other options. I was offered the first flight next morning. That sounded better. I'd make it home in time to get some family time before going back to work on Monday. Oh...there is the thing about accommodations and food. Your helpless wizard offered me a discount coupon for 50% off accommodations. The Marriot is US$220 per night. What a bargain! BTW - the only hotel offered by your amazing discount coupon was a Super8 Motel - 5 miles away. Can you say bed bugs and a possible spot on COPS - maybe I'm being overly dramatic - but totally refused that. Had to book the Marriott on my own. Thanks for so much help.
I asked your CSR what can I do about food - I'm trapped against my will - she was good enough to give me a voucher for $20 of airport food. Hmmm....that's going to buy me a bag of chips and a soda pop.
I had to spend the next hour and a half going back to baggage claims to get my already and almost re-routed-to-Jersey luggage. Then had to run over to your Star Alliance partner to confirm that I will be on their next morning flight and finally check in to the Marriott where I had the joy of doling out hundreds of dollars because of your incompetence.
BTW - That's the treatment for the First Class traveller, I wonder what you did to the other poor people in coach? I remember an issue with another airline and boy...my biz status gave me so much Exceptional Customer Service, I almost forgot that I was being inconvenienced. Maybe you should learn a few things from your peers that want to keep my business.
You might think this sardonic, sarcastic, facetious, ironic, and all other similes, account of my ordeal is all in good fun. Nope...not at all. Unless there is an improvement in your world, I will do my best to avoid your brand. Especially after all that crap I went through, my "FIRST THING IN THE MORNING FLIGHT" LEFT 90 MINS LATE! Really...really?!?!
"Divided we conquer - at United we fall." Maybe someone should #UASucks with that.
Jeers to you UA! May all your flights be just a fairy tale ... with Happy Endings!
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