| rev:text
| - If this were a design blog, Noir on St. Clair West would receive five stars.
On an unassuming patch of the strip, just west of Wychwood Barns, Noir sits opposite a McDonalds and beside the oft-reviewed Stockyards.
Unlike most of the corporate/homespun storefronts in the area, Noir is all style; grey painted bricks and a sharp black, white and red sign scream "awesome indy coffee house. Swanky hipsters apply within for mindblowing expensive coffee drinks".
The theme carries on inside, where exposed walls and slate tiles serve as background for comfy chairs and tables, and the occasional bright red leather chair. Chalkboard menus are clear. They hover over a long bar which includes an espresso machine, tea selection, and a refrigerator case that tempts with pastry. The decor is vaguely asian, very contemporary, and very welcoming. I could sit and read or work or gab for hours.
I don't usually review bathrooms, but Noir's deserve mention. They're more beautifully appointed than some homes I've visited, and on each occasion they're just as clean. If Noir were a friend's apartment, I might look into couch-surfing.
With all of the attention to looks, you'd hope for great food and drink. What you get is stylized "good". Tea service is a hoot. You choose your leaves, and a small iron pot is brought to your seat, along with a timer that tells you when to pour. Noir may in fact be mislabelled as a coffee shop. Lattes are frothy, but the espresso lacks depth. A regular cup of joe is dispensed from the same plastic carafes you find in any midrange coffee shop, and tastes interchangeable. If you require cream and sugar, you have an impressive range of options. It's decent but not special, at special but not decent prices.
A vine of tomatoes beckons you to order a freshly made tomato sandwich. At peak season, this sounds like a great idea. Out of a greenhouse earlier in the year, not so much. I'd rather visit Wychwood Barns on a lazy Saturday, buy some fancy bread and local tomatoes, head home and bring out the Hellmans for lunch on the patio at a fraction of the cost.
I don't like to gripe about price, and I appreciate the space, but I feel that I'm paying more for the atmosphere than for the food.
Noir is an excellent spot for a first date, where style can be as important as substance. For a lasting relationship, I'd sooner plunk down $4.50 for a killer latte in shabbier surroundings (see I Deal Coffee, the Crema nook on Bloor Street or the original Bulldog).
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