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| - If you love me you will never ever make me a bridesmaid. Okay, so one of my best friends is getting married and here I am at this fucking store doing the second worst thing which is painfully watch her try on gown after gown. First worst thing for the record is actually making me a bridesmaid and making me wear a hideous gown. Not my cup of tea or coffee.
Here we go.
Though she is not having bridesmaids she wanted us to all join in the fun and be there while she tries on dresses. We were suppose to pregame in the parking lot before hand. I don't know why that idea went out the window.
The five of us and egg headed, crying baby are greeted by an older lady with an older lady helmet hairdo and a big smile. This is the Dress Consultant. The Bride To Be tells us to start helping her choose dresses for the dress consultant lady to gather up. Game on. I swear I picked out five really ugly ones that look like someone on Little House On the Prairie would wear and some Liberace inspired. I did this not thinking of how long it would take her to try them all on along with the several others selected from the group. Ughhhh.
We sit down by the mirrors and quickly start texting, sexting, FBing, Instagramming. Anything, but communicating with each other.
Bride To Be comes out in the first dress: "Oh, you look so SKINNY. You look like a princess. It makes your butt look perfect." She smiles we take pictures she looks in the mirror for ten more minutes and back into the dressing room for dress #2.
BTB comes out in dress #2- Fuck, I already said all of the nice things I know to say to make a girl in a dress feel good about herself! I say them again just in a different order and tone.....UGH. At this point I really wish I hadn't picked out so many dresses for her to try on. Back to the dressing room she goes and so on and so on....
I am bored out of my mind and hating every second I am in this place. Then I hear a bell. It turns out every time a bride picks a dress they ring a damn bell. Like a car dealership! Being in sales I then try to tell each other girl in the store and her family what dress she should get and why. I even whisper words over and over again as they walk by like LACE DRESS LACE DRESS or DON'T GET IT, IT'S NOT THE ONE. Hoping it will sink into their heads and I can ring the bell.
Well, 2.5 hours later I sadly never got to ring the bell, but I did get to piss off tons of people and be there for my dear friend.
P.S.
The restroom deserves a mention. It was disgustingly dirty and smelled of urine. Low and behold there was a disposable catheter in plain sight staring at me atop an overflowing trash can. They definitely need to remodel and clean the damn restroom. Ladies are trying on dresses valued anywhere from $99 to $3500. David if you are gonna have a bridal shop use some of that revenue to hire a cleaning lady. It's really gross!
P.S. Deuce
I hope my friend never reads this.....
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