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  • I have had quite a few massages since I discovered a few years ago that in fact I don't actually hate having my feet touched. I would say that I'm pretty seasoned and know the elements that make a truly wonderful massage. Things I like and expect include: - A massage therapist who is skilled and knowledgable about the human body. - A massage therapist who doesn't want to chat. Seriously, just ask me what I want and periodically check in about the pressure and whatnot. I do not want to hear about what shoes you wear when you run or your daughter's flute recital. - Please don't hurt me. I should feel better when I leave. Right? - Similarly, I don't want to have my hair pulled. This is NOT a scalp massage. This has happened to me twice now. - Seriously, I don't want to have a conversation with you. - Don't use funky smelling lotions. I'm sure somebody out there likes chocolate aroma therapy. I don't care for it. - If I hear Enya, I will be so distracted by how terrible that music is that I won't enjoy myself. I'd rather listen to my own stomach growl. - Look, I'm sure you are a lovely conversationalist and a great person. But I don't want to talk to you. I started going to the Body Bar because they offer a discount for UPMC employees. I always thought that if I found a therapist that I loved, that wasn't afraid to get all deep tissue on my knots, that wasn't chatty, I'd make regular appointments with them. That was probably 5 years ago. I have seldomly had the same therapist twice, and when I have it hasn't been intentional. I've had some downright decent massages here. But I've also had some really weird massages here. Like the hair pulling stuff or yanking and jerking on my legs without some warning. I have some neck issues and one therapist was convinced he could stretch me to help relieve the pain I have on a daily basis. I think he broke me. My pain was increased tenfold for 3 days after that. This is sounding more like a one star review. So my reason for the three stars? Even a mediocre massage is better than no massage in my book. And $65 for an hour is super cheap compared to most of the spas in the area. With my UPMC discount it's a bargain, even if they want to talk the whole time.
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