| rev:text
| - This place really needs to be trashed more.
zpizza is a fraud in too many ways. It markets itself as a sort of whole-foods, higher-end, indie urban culture-vulture sorta place. It wants you to think it's a cut above. And it's none of the above. It's in reality a corporate franchise chain, with a few tweaks to its menu to make it look a touch Berkeley. It's in a rather inaccessible part of north-of-downtown Phoenix, but they deliver. The prices it charges for pizza are an outrage, their ordering system goes down too often, and they deliver a cold $25 pizza and then ignore you when you complain.
The ingredients it uses are largely not organic, but they want you to think they use high-end ingredients. If the flat flavor of their pizzas is any indication, their ingredients come off the same Sysco truck any other middling restaurant's groceries do.
One time I tried to order online, the system choked. I called and they said, "We're sorry we're closed - our ordering system is completely down." On a Saturday evening, they couldn't do business without computers. Wow.
Another time, I ordered an American large, and discovered that they charge a lot extra for everything you add to your pizza. And everything comes in the most paper-thin slices, so thin you almost can't taste it. I had never experienced see-through tomato slices before, and it was also my first encounter with windowpane pepperoni. The crust is chewy, which is ok. But there wasn't much food on my pizza. It was thin and meager and not satisfying. And it cost a lot of money. Oh, and the sausage looked like perfect little weasel droppings, smooth and brown and perfectly formed, as if by machine - or by rodent.
They have whole-wheat crust and gluten-free crust and too many salads with stinky cheese in them and fruit too I think. So if your probation officer said you have to eat more pear and gorgonzola gluten free pizzas with extra arugula, well, you can stay outta jail one more week.
Next time (why did I have a next time?) again, online ordering is down, but they take phone orders. I am given a 30 to 40 min del'y window. After 60 mins I call and ask. Am told it's on the way now. It arrives 20 mins after that. I grab the box and it's cold. I mention to young street-urchin-looking delivery hipster that my pizza appears cold. I ask him to wait a sec while I open and check the pizza. He bolts away and into his car before I can ascertain that I have a cold pizza and cold wings. I wonder what the delivery guy was up to all that time? My pizza had been baked some time before. Perhaps he had been too.
While the slices were microwaving, I called zpizza to discuss and was told manager is unavailable. Message is left for call back. I also left a detailed accounting on their online form, and I never heard from anybody.
Again, people, this place tries to whore itself out as a high end, even crunchy place, the kind of place you'd take your lesbian-married-with-adopted-Chinese-baby friends, so you could look just a little less pathetically uncool than you really are. But it is just another chain using smaller amounts of the same goods as everybody else, adding a few upscale salads to the menu, and charging 40% more than everybody else. And they have unacceptably poor customer service.
Go to Pizza Hut. Really. Aim low and you won't be disappointed. Oh - and Pino's next door has good and more authentic pizza too, but you gotta pick it up yourself. Or if you can, get Rosati's - the real Chicago one.
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