| rev:text
| - Burgatory is awkwardly (awesomely??) located right in the middle of an outdoor shopping center. The internet informed me that the wait here is ridic on weekends, and when I called at 6:15 I was told there was a 2 hour wait and had to come down in person to put my name in. After some aggressive driving, getting our names in, and shopping at TJ Maxx (next door!!!), 90 minutes passed and I was TXT MSG'd that our table was ready. I replied with a winky robot face ;] but the flirtation was not mutual :'[
Before I go any further, I need to state that Xzibit is to Pimp My Ride as Jason J. is to burgers. Another simile to follow. Allow me to describe the ingredients and reasoning that I believe made the perfect burger off of the Custom Creations menu:
Bison meat: I shouldn't need to explain this, but M Bison was a force to be reckoned with in the Streetfighter games. He would have wanted my burger this way.
Brioche roll: Gotta impress the ladies with my worldliness and shit.
Angel Dust rub: Admittedly, I had no idea what was in it before ordering, and still don't, yet it was critical that it be all up in my bison patty. Angel Dust rub is to happiness as Angel Dust / PCP is to tripping balls. Bam. You've been double similed.
Horseradish cheddar: I was about to get the whatever cheddar then happened to glance at this wondrous combination of unlikely foodstuffs. History made. No going back.
Truffled shallot aioli: I literally would have hated myself forever if I did not get this.
Fried egg: You know who doesn't get fried eggs on their burgers? Assholes. And vegans. On their vegan burgers.
Applewood smoked bacon: Standard decision. I need some sort of control ingredient on all my burgers anyways.
Romaine lettuce and pickles: Because sometimes I like my salads on top of my meat.
Blood: If a burger isn't rare / medium rare, we have a problem.
The adorbz girlf inhaled a Meat Your Maker burger (dry aged Wagyu beef with sweet onion crust, aged Gruyere, roasted tomatoes, organic field greens and truffled shallot aioli) and my tastebuddies approved of her selection. We also ordered the truffled Gorgonzola fries which was obviously the best decision regarding fried food selection that evening. Liquid accompaniment was handled by a shake with the namesake Grand-dad's Secret (Old Grand-Dad bourbon (THE KEY TO MY HEART), caramel, ice cream, and whipped cream). Zounds.
Why does this estabilishment not exist in Boston?
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