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| - Coworker: "We were thinking about going to RiverFrown for lunch. Wanna go?"
Me: "I don't know, man. Remember the other 20 times we went there and it took an hour to get our food?"
Coworker: "Yeah. So?"
Me: "Remember that time you got the seafood mac & cheese and you threw up the rest of the afternoon, curled up in the fetal position?"
Coworker: "Yeah."
Me: "Does the fact that we call it RiverFROWN, and nothing else, not even phase you?"
Coworker: "I don't know."
Me "..."
Coworker: "..................."
SO... we just got back from RiverTowne Pour House. My GOD what in the hell was I thinking? I had my whole lunch planned out: go to Giant Eagle, make myself a salad with chicken, maybe get a wedding soup. I'd already logged it all into my Lose It! app. 620 calories. Delicious. I was even toying with the idea of getting an ice cream or something. I mean, it's Friday; TREAT YO'SELF!
But no, in the spirit of camaraderie, I somehow wind up at mother effing RiverTowne again like a big JERK. Today was a real doozy, hence me taking the time to write this. My take-out: a plastic bag filled with seafood juice. On top of the juice was the container holding my peel-and-eat shrimp, the inside of said container being bone dry. I guess they assumed I'd get back to my office and dip the shrimp in my plastic juice bag, one by one. You know, like a maniac? Or maybe I'd unload all the dry shrimp into my juice bag and just slosh it around? Regardless, I had to hold that bag upright with the jaws of life on the drive back because I'll be DAMNED if I spill that seafood juice in the car and make my buddy's interior smell like the docks at Key Largo.
I've yet to mention WHY I got a to-go bag. We got to RiverTowne at 12:05 PM and ordered at 12:10 PM. Anyone who's worked in food service knows that you want quick turn-arounds at lunch. A: Your customers are usually working and have a limited amount of time to eat. B: The faster you can get someone in and out, the more tables you can seat. The Frown wasn't super crowded today, so I'm guessing B wasn't a concern. All that being said, our food arrived at 12:58. I was already cashed out and standing there, arms crossed, with my jacket on, like a pissed off soccer mom who is just FED. UP. Really, she's had it up to here.
I don't want to make it sound like I'm blaming the waitress, either. She was great; polite and apologetic. Something was clearly going on in the kitchen, though. EVERYONE'S food was taking forever. There was a table of 6 next to us who was going through the same thing. But that's all par for the course. Like I said, we call it RiverFrown for a reason.
Not that it even matters, but I got the shrimp back to my office, ate it, and it was gross; the saltiest shrimp I've ever eaten in my life. The owner of my company told me that's what restaurants do when their food is spoiled - they salt the hell out of it. That's great. Hopefully, he's an idiot and way off base, but now that I think about it, I feel terrible. Could just be all the sodium and my already spiked blood pressure. If I keel over, this post will likely be my final words. Profound.
Just stay away. I can, without a doubt, say that in my 7 years of working in this area, RiverTowne is by far the worst lunch experience you can have - and we eat out every single day. This one time, my hand got trapped in between some rocks while hiking through the canyons of southeast Utah and I had to spend 127 hours there, trapped. After days of delirium caused by dehydration and the drinking of my own urine, I eventually had to cut off my hand with a pocket knife to escape the canyon and find help. I would rather relive that horrible experience every single day than spend one more minute of my life in RiverTowne Pour House. Take that with a grain of shrimp - I mean, salt. PEACE.
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