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| - Rex must start off by apologizing for his long absence from the world of yelp. No, it has nothing to do with the fact that Rex's reviews are widely read and praised but can never get review of the day. Oh no. I am the Susan Lucci of Review Of The Day...we are both angry whores who are aging poorly. No...embrace my underdog status...unfortunately I spent some time in lovely Nevada state sponsored forced overnight housing. Apparently running into a pre-school and screaming "forget your Halloween costumes the world is going to end and most of you look like you are going to hell!" is considered inappropriate by some more provincial parents. Then Rex screamed "hell" for 93 minutes straight until the police came and forced his pants back on while muzzling him. It was humiliating. How dare they treat those 4 and 5 years olds so poorly. They need to know the truth. The rapture is coming in October and they are all going to be gone! But while we are here we need to know about some Heaven on Earth...
...Vivido Gelato. Vivido Gelato is much better than the Gelato we made in forced overnight housing. Granted that was made of frozen ammonia, cool aid, and two sugar packets. Much better. Sure our "gelato" would get you so high that you would hallucinate. Rex once saw Ethel Merman making out with Raymond Burr...or it might have been fat Orsen Welles...or a bear with propecia. It was loving and tender...until Ethel ate the Burr/Welles/balding bear. To be fair she looked happy.
So Rex, who is a friend of all things cow...just friends...not like those guys in the Deep South. One of the best cow related dishes is gelato. Ah gelato. Not much better in this life. Sure you could think of Melanie Griffith doing a reverse cowgirl on you (so you don't have to see her face), hiring two hundred 8 year olds to mine for diamonds in Zimbabwe or holding a fried banana sandwich and a bottle of pills in front of Brittney Spears (or Elvis) from my window while driving at 10mph. Those are great things, great joys in anyone's life. Gelato is up there.
Discovering Vivido Gelato was a revelation. The flavor profiles are terrific. Rex got three scoops for about 8 bucks. Expensive. Yes. Rex picked three amazing flavors that went well together. Tiramisu...Nutella...and the greatest flavor ever...Turkish Coffee. The Turkish Coffee is just brilliant. It is so good it is hard to even describe...but Rex will give it a shot. Imagine the feeling of being in a rubber suit with a ball gag in your mouth and being whipped with a Bullock Whip while two Cambodian women suck on your toes and a midge punches you in the calf muscle...almost that good!
The argument on yelp is that isn't real gelato. Some called it ice cream. Well, who the hell cares? It is amazing. Unless you have been to Italy you aren't going to get great gelato...and you might disagree but that is only because you haven't been to Italy. Rex spent 2 days there when in the Merchant Marines. Three things Rex can tell you three things about Italy...amazing gelato, too much Limoncello and dancing naked in a fountain seems like a good idea, and Sofia Milos is hot but all that Zenu talk is a real downer.
Whatever Vivido serves...gelato or ice cream...it is damn good. Enjoy it for what it is. Much like Rex, call it what you want, call him want you want...you will love us...you will dream about us...and we will take large amounts of your money for our goodness. You will miss us...eat the gelato...but Rex isn't coming back...and he already sold your TV.
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